unforum

Commo · Guest

Unoforum? But that would make these un-people, and if they dont exist where does that leave me?

George was brought back to un-reality by a man walking towards her. He was a strange sight even among the strange. The man was garbed in what appeared to be a western constume, complete with spurs on his ankles. He bore the nametag lucky, whatever that meant.

Before she could ask him, the man spoke up "So how'd you die?"

**Posted:** Wed Dec 07, 2005 7:25 am

number9dream

This was quite the strangest place she had ever seen, not only was the unforum filled with strange-talking rodent smeared cross-dressers, it also seemed to be home to several strange-talking cross-dressers who were possibly negotiating the price of several uncooked and in fact still rather lively rodents, destined for greater glory no doubt. Determined to get to the bottom of all this Georgina turned to the chapped chap who had just asked her the question.

'Die?' she asked, 'a minute ago i was standing in a square with a rubik's cube for a father and an egg timer running down to nothing - then everything went binary and now here i am, everything is quite possibly party. You say I'm dead?'

'This is my friend, toto' replied the cowboy, pointing out a small black and white dog who seemed to be wrestling with a large, pointed black hat and growling, 'take me back to Kansas, you filthy piece of slime!'

Geargina looked around, there appeared to be no walls, only sky and a selection of cheap-looking plaster pillars badly painted with marble-effect. Most people that she could see were spouting unintelligible nonsense, only her cowboy friend and his dog made any sense.

'Wait!' she shouted, 'i know what's going on here, you're all......

**Posted:** Wed Dec 07, 2005 8:27 am

chichiri · Decorated Joined: 31 Oct 2005 Posts: 207

Insane!!!

It all makes sense now, then without another word, she went wandering off along brienigma's name whistling a strange mind-altering tune that really shouldn't be able to be whistled so whistlingly whimsically.

All would be alright from now on...

...providing she didn't look down as an odd character named chichiri wrote about her walking along reading as an odd character named chichiri wrote about her walking along reading as an odd...

...dies of paradoxical nonsense. Shocked

**Posted:** Wed Dec 07, 2005 8:39 am

ammonite · Boot Joined: 28 Apr 2005 Posts: 49

**WARNING**

THIS STORY HAS BEEN CLASSIFIED UNFICTION. IT IS IN SEVERE BREACH OF 17 CODES OF LITERATURE, THE MOST HEINOUS OF WHICH BEING GRATIUTOUS SURREALISM, TRIPLE METAREFERENCING, AND PRODUCT PLACEMENT. ALL CHARACTERS MUST DROP TO THE FLOOR AND PREPARE FOR DEPORTATION.

The loudhailers were deafening, even louder than the clump-clump-clump of the heavy jackboots storming the Unforum in perfect time. The Unforumites panicked and started to throw rodents at the police, who swatted them aside. One by one, the culprits were rounded up, disappearing at the touch of an officer's baton. The walls started to dissolve. Gyorgy stood serenely at the centre of the chaos. They hadn't got anything on him. He'd stood worse.

You.

Detective Inspector Dijk glared at Gyorgy across the seedy laminate table.

You think by disguising yourself as a woman we wouldn't track you down? Fictional insanity like this only starts with one person, Gyorgy. You know there's an entire parallel universe of cross-dressing squirrels mating like billyo right now? God knows how long that will take to clear up. You're going down for this one.

Gyorgy smiled.

Dick, I loved you in Mary Poppins. How d'you end up with this gig?
Well, you can only sweep chimmineys for so long G. And it keeps me in Armani suits... Wait! Damn you! Stop this now!

Gyorgy whistled as he -

**Posted:** Thu Dec 08, 2005 12:26 pm

pentasyllabic · Greenhorn Joined: 09 Aug 2005 Posts: 7

worked out that Inspector Dijkstra had, to Gyorgy's cost, found the shortest path back to regain some semblance of a narrative.

This would need a little more reality-twisting, if Gyorgy were to escape again.

'Here inspector, look at this'. He handed the inspector a yellow-bordered card.

"'Although she's a goat'? what do you expect me to do with this?". The card was dropped to the floor, as Inspectah Deck drew his 9, bustin' to pop a cap.

His target ducked down and scooped up the card from the floor. Scratching the silver panel, Gyorgy Harrysyn held his breath and...

**Posted:** Thu Dec 08, 2005 3:55 pm

Commo · Guest

Yay i won 200 dollars!

Hey wait said, jeniffer thats my moneys!
Not any more its not, proclaimed the officer as he went off to show his buddies.
Seeing her chance jennifer made took dive, right off the unforum clouds, where she proceeded to fall.[/sub]

**Posted:** Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:56 pm

Scott

-- [] META WARNING [] --

**Posted:** Mon Dec 12, 2005 11:32 pm

_________________
Perplex City is a game whose only rule is: There must be a party.
Balance of Powers is a game whose only rule is: There must be a political party.

number9dream

Suddenly Georgina was standing back in the square where she had met her father again after all these years, she did the usual pulling of her face to check just what incarnation she was in - man or woman, did she have a beard this time? No she felt normal. She took out her compact to check her lipstick - it was fine, she felt able to take on whatever new horrors this day had left to throw at her.

She tried to remember what it was she was supposed to be doing, everthing had become rather confused since her car had gone missing in the underground car park what seemed like weeks ago.

She discovered she was still carrying her bag, a rather classy number from Mulberry, even if she did think so herself. Looking inside provided no answers at all. Inside were a yellow bordered card with a sliver scratch off panel, a note on pink paper which read 'this is not a game' and a remote controller for a garage door.

In the absence of any thing more obvious to do she pressed the controller - with a terrible grinding noise, the front of the building to the side of the square gegan to rise up revealing

specterz · Boot Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 37

her father, wearing that strange skirt Georgina had been carrying around at the beginning of her strange adventure, and a big smile on his face.
"You did it, girl!" he exclaimed.
"I did it? Did what?" Georgie was quite confused now. Was this really her father standing right before her? It had been so long ago since she had seen him, she couldn't quite remember...
"You freed me, of course. You chased around gay pop idols, travelled to parallel dimensions and faced the unforum crossdressing demons. And all to save me!"
"Oh, well, er... yeah I guess that's true..."
"I'm so happy to be with my daughter again. I can't thank you enough, Julia."
Georgina's brain felt like exploding. Did he just call her Julia? What's happening here?
"My name is NOT Julia!" she screamed, close to madness.
The man blinked.
"It's not?"
"NO! Listen, all this stuff has driven me pretty crazy, but I think I can remember my own name, thank you very much!"
The man blinked again.
"Oh dear... I'm afraid this has all been a terrible mix up. They were supposed to get my daughter... I guess they took the wrong person! But then... you have no idea what has been happening these past 24 hours, have you?"

**Posted:** Tue Dec 13, 2005 9:28 am

Scott

THE END.

I'll post ta fFully edited version on the wiki soon.

P.s.: We need a title. I'm thinking something like "A Day In The Un-Life"

**Posted:** Wed Dec 14, 2005 4:14 am

_________________
Perplex City is a game whose only rule is: There must be a party.
Balance of Powers is a game whose only rule is: There must be a political party.

Scott

IT IS DONE.

Go fForth and read!

http://wiki.incognitus.net/ppc/index.php/Tales_From_Earth:A_Day_In_The_Un-Life:_A_Collaborative_Effort

it's 6,811 words long. If you printed it on standard letter sized paper in 12 point fFont, it would come to 19 pages.

I have to say, it is surprisingly lucid.

So you know, I cut out the stuff about George Michael and tiger woods. They were good jokes, but mostly were painful to read, detracted fFrom the underlying plot (such as it is), and might have theoretically gotten someone sued.

cheers Smile

If you think more (or less, or something) should be done to it, let me know and i'll change it. Or you change it -- it's on the wiki, afterall. Smile

**Posted:** Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:02 am

_________________
Perplex City is a game whose only rule is: There must be a party.
Balance of Powers is a game whose only rule is: There must be a political party.

Mikeyj

I did notice Seth's premature ejaculation got cut...do you reckon they'll let us do another one, only this time over 18?

**Posted:** Thu Dec 15, 2005 11:43 am

_________________
Irrelevant musings.

number9dream

Probably best not to even try given the tendency of some of the writers to obscenity, even in the abridged, sanitised children-friendly version we have been trying to write..... Laughing

**Posted:** Thu Dec 15, 2005 12:00 pm

_________________
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

chippy

Scott. Big big thanks and christmassy love for editing & wikifiying it. I like the ending too Smile

**Posted:** Thu Dec 15, 2005 3:37 pm

_________________
Do cats control our online behaviour?

specterz · Boot Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 37

Yeah Scott, thanks a bunch, it must have been hard to get something readable out of this mess Smile

But I think we can be proud of ourselves at the outcome. It is quite a read!

**Posted:** Thu Dec 15, 2005 3:49 pm