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Forum index » Archive » Archive: Perplex City » PXC: General/Updates

[UPDATE] Perplex City Sentinel - January 23, 2007

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AtionSong
Unfettered

Joined: 29 Aug 2006
Posts: 352

[UPDATE] Perplex City Sentinel - January 23, 2007

Link

Quote:

Academy Students Wage Epic Annual Snowball Battle
By ANTONY CLAPHAM
The Academy had its annual snowball championship this weekend, with the Languages department emerging victorious for the first time since 240. "This is a proud day for us," said Languages Senior Fellow Estelle Sedgewick. "The honour of our victory will be the brightest gem in the crown of my tenure as senior fellow."

The event, held after the first major snowfall in the new year, has been historically dominated by the Natural Sciences department. "Our superior physical engineering skills, especially as related to building defensive structures and reliable weaponry, usually serve us in good stead. This year, it was not enough to defend us from the barbarian hordes of the Languages Department, however," said Natural Sciences Senior Fellow Inari Ekeba.

Annual Academy Snowball Championship

Traditionally the winning team is awarded a leitmark by the Master of the Academy, but as Master Sente Kiteway is currently in prison, the ceremony was conducted by his assistant, Patrick Azadian. "I know I speak for the whole of the city when I say that all of you young men and women have acquitted yourselves well, and we are proud of each and every one of you," he said. Kiteway is facing charges of fraud and conspiracy for allegedly assisting former PCAG champion Ryan Cahill to evade drug testing.

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The Perplex City Academy has had a traditional snowball tournament between its departments running annually for at least five hundred years, with some interruptions, mainly due to insufficient snow. The event is held on the Academy's Great Lawn, with each department defending its assigned territory. The event is judged and scored by the newly-crowned PCAG champion, in this case 16-year-old Myra Champaign.

Quote:

Academy Security 'Sievelike,' Says Expert
Opinion/Editorial
Academy Master Sente Kiteway has been arrested on the Academy grounds on the very night of the third anniversary of the Receda Cube's theft. This, then, seems like a good time to reflect upon the status of the missing Cube, the state of security at the Academy, and the measured deliberations of the Academy Oversight Committee.

Part of Kiteway's argument against prosecution for the Lancewood revelations, a matter still under investigation, is that the Academy is historically entrusted by the City Council with weighty matters that are best removed from the public's prying eyes. This argument, though, belies the poor vigilance with which Kiteway's administration has been marked. Officials from within the Academy have repeatedly assured the public that security has been addressed.

The Academy Security Director, Henrik Tanner, once said of his security system that "Our job is to make it as difficult [to bypass] as possible within the constraints of realism and budget." But in the past three years, the Cube has been stolen, a slow trickle of automotive parts has been making its way from the Academy to the black market, and the data link to Earth has been both sabotaged and subsequently infiltrated. Hardly the profile of a security system "as difficult as possible" to circumvent.

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Indeed, security at the Academy is so poor that Kiteway's own home on Milamont Parade has reportedly been broken into and ransacked, just last night, though the Master's daughter, Scarlett Kiteway, refused to offer comments to the press regarding it. Security for the house falls under the same blanket as does campus security.

Senior Fellow Inari Ekeba of the Academy Oversight Committee has said that the group is taking these factors seriously. But some now believe the committee, heavily salted with Kiteway loyalists, is incapable of taking the actions that are now necessary. "The Academy needs a clean slate," said Locus Technology's Gregory Dempsey. "The only recommendation I see the committee making is to sack Henrik and the rest of this sad lot and bring in fresh eyes. ... No professional organisation would permit those behind such a sievelike security arrangement to continue in employment."

Quote:

Futures
By Madame Bianca, for the week of January 22
The Hand (January 11 - February 10)
Graham crackers topped with sunflower nut butter is absolutely delicious. Also lucky. I suggest you make it your snack of choice in the coming weeks, darling. How can you get better than nourishing, lucky and delicious?

The Baby (February 11 - March 10)
You will be going on a long journey. No, I'm serious, muffin. The stars are waffling on whether it's a journey of the body or of the mind, but some part of you or another is about to get some serious mileage.

The Eagle (March 11 - April 10)
Take care what you say and do in the coming days, and especially make sure you're clear on what you're in for ahead of time. Calculated beats frantic hands down.

The Spider (April 11 - May 10)
Don't let a bit of a sniffle keep you from doing any of your usual activities, doll. Trust me, sitting around at home feeling sorry for yourself will make you feel a whole lot worse than taking a shower and getting out the door.

The Wave (May 11 - June 10)
Did you know that eight out of nine deceased artists on display at the Ha Gallery died of natural causes at exceptionally advanced ages? Sort of diminishes the mythos of the tragic, young, suicidal artist, doesn't it?

The Archer (June 11 - July 10)
Well, don't say I didn't warn you, cupcake. You could try to show a little initiative and unpickle yourself, but to be frank, you're better off now conserving your energy and hoping the cavalry arrives.

The Half-filled Jug (July 11 - August 10)
You know that feeling like you're forgetting something really, really important? It's right. Concentrate very, very hard, dumpling. Try to work out what it is if it's the only thing you do this week at all.

The Dragon (August 11 - September 10)
Why does it have to be this way between us? Wasn't there a time when it wasn't all so bitter, so hollow? Let's try to make peace, pumpkin. We could never go back to our salad days, but we could try to forge a new, golden era.

The Three Balls (September 11 - October 10)
Heavy winds prevent you from participating in your most-desired plans for the evening this week. All will be back to normal soon, except for the part where you'll never quite figure out exactly what you missed.

The Dice (October 11 - November 10)
I wish I could tell you this week will be all frolicking through meadows, but it won't be. It's all going to be hard work and no thanks at all. Buy yourself a good bottle of whiskey, sweet pea, and comfort yourself with the knowledge that next week will be different.

The Maze (November 11 - December 10)
For once, your inflated sense of self-worth will serve you in good stead. You appearance of extreme confidence will, by Friday, allow you to impress someone who will soon have a weighty influence on your life. Good job!

The Apple-Thief (December 11 - January 10)
Oh, thou demon Drink, thou fell destroyer; thou curse of society, and its greatest annoyer. What hast thou done to society, let me think? I answer thou hast caused the most of ills, thou demon Drink.

And remember, once is an accident, twice is a crime.

Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 9:15 pm

DarkHuman
Unfettered

Joined: 19 Apr 2006
Posts: 640
Location: Florida

also

Quote:

> Budget Debate Fierce
> PCX Falls Again
> Mazy Jackson Honoured

the apple theif:
The Demon Drink
William Topaz McGonagall

Oh, thou demon Drink, thou fell destroyer;
Thou curse of society, and its greatest annoyer.
What hast thou done to society, let me think?
I answer thou hast caused the most of ills, thou demon Drink.

Thou causeth the mother to neglect her child,
Also the father to act as he were wild,
So that he neglects his loving wife and family dear,
By spending his earnings foolishly on whisky, rum and beer.

And after spending his earnings foolishly he beats his wife-
The man that promised to protect her during life-
And so the man would if there was no drink in society,
For seldom a man beats his wife in a state of sobriety.

And if he does, perhaps he finds his wife fou',
Then that causes, no doubt, a great hullaballo;
When he finds his wife drunk he begins to frown,
And in a fury of passion he knocks her down.

And in that knock down she fractures her head,
And perhaps the poor wife she is killed dead,
Whereas, if there was no strong drink to be got,
To be killed wouldn't have been the poor wife's lot.

Then the unfortunate husband is arrested and cast into jail,
And sadly his fate he does bewail;
And he curses the hour that ever was born,
And paces his cell up and down very forlorn.

And when the day of his trial draws near,
No doubt for the murdering of his wife he drops a tear,
And he exclaims, "Oh, thou demon Drink, through thee I must die,"
And on the scaffold he warns the people from drink to fly,

Because whenever a father or a mother takes to drink,
Step by step on in crime they do sink,
Until their children loses all affection for them,
And in justice we cannot their children condemn.

The man that gets drunk is little else than a fool,
And is in the habit, no doubt, of advocating for Home Rule;
But the best Home Rule for him, as far as I can understand,
Is the abolition of strong drink from the land.

And the men that get drunk in general wants Home Rule;
But such men, I rather think, should keep their heads cool,
And try and learn more sense, I most earnestlty do pray,
And help to get strong drink abolished without delay.

If drink was abolished how many peaceful homes would there be,
Just, for instance in the beautiful town of Dundee;
then this world would be heaven, whereas it's a hell,
An the people would have more peace in it to dwell

Alas! strong drink makes men and women fanatics,
And helps to fill our prisons and lunatics;
And if there was no strong drink such cases wouldn't be,
Which would be a very glad sight for all christians to see.

O admit, a man may be a very good man,
But in my opinion he cannot be a true Christian
As long as he partakes of strong drink,
The more that he may differently think.

But no matter what he thinks, I say nay,
For by taking it he helps to lead his brither astray,
Whereas, if he didn't drink, he would help to reform society,
And we would soon do away with all inebriety.

Then, for the sake of society and the Church of God,
Let each one try to abolish it at home and abroad;
Then poverty and crime would decrease and be at a stand,
And Christ's Kingdom would soon be established throughout the land.

Therefore, brothers and sisters, pause and think,
And try to abolish the foul fiend, Drink.
Let such doctrine be taught in church and school,
That the abolition of strong drink is the only Home Rule.

Quote:

just last night, though the Master's daughter, Scarlett Kiteway, refused to offer comments to the press regarding it.

what kind of jack-arse would pull that crap?

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Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 9:37 pm

ramsfan
Decorated

Joined: 07 Sep 2005
Posts: 232
Location: holmfirth, yorks

topaz

McGonagall is known for the worst drivel on earth, and in particular for the Tay Bridge disaster poem, but I never knew his middle name was topaz. Fab. And one for the gemstone theorists to ponder.

_________________
The best therapy is shrink rapped

Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 4:28 am

drinkmonsters
Veteran

Joined: 31 Jul 2006
Posts: 89

Re: [UPDATE] Perplex City Sentinel - January 23, 2007

Quote:

But in the past three years, the Cube has been stolen, a slow trickle of automotive parts has been making its way from the Academy to the black market, and the data link to Earth has been both sabotaged and subsequently infiltrated. Hardly the profile of a security system "as difficult as possible" to circumvent.

Well didn't Scarlett have a specific piece that was found in the kiteway residence? anybody think it might be the KEY to a motor?

if so, how does this help us... madam bianca seems to think we should hurry up this week.

Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 6:49 am

charcoaldragon
Boot

Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 11
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Quote:

And remember, once is an accident, twice is a crime.

this reminded me of when CT said it was a accident to steal the cube (well he said 'i wonder if i planned it all' in dissolution). if it was an accident to steal it the first time maybe this future means that CT is going to try sabotage the cube retrieval efforts, therefore effectively stealing the cube from the perplexcity people again and making it 'twice a crime'.

Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 1:48 am

DarkHuman
Unfettered

Joined: 19 Apr 2006
Posts: 640
Location: Florida

uhhhh.... the sentinel didn't update, but the "other headlines" did again.

Quote:

>Yolen Criticises Council
>Cahill Loses Contracts
>Record Cold Snap

ok, can't find anywhere else, guess it did have an update??! if i'm wrong, i'll delete post.

Quote:

No Reason For Second Season, Say Commentators
By LAUREN SINCLAIR
With the data link to Earth reopened, leaderboard followers here in Perplex City eagerly flocked to examine the latest changes to Earth's premier puzzle contest - only to find that things remained much the same. Xavier Kettering, of popular keycast Puzzles Today, said "the slight sense of disappointment has been sorely missed, and now we cling to it, like a child to their favourite quilt."

However, rumours emerge that Mind Candy, in association with the Academy, is now working on a second "season" of puzzles to raise Perplex City's profile on Earth. It's a revelation that has bitterly divided the puzzling classes in recent days.

"Frankly, it's crass," commented Kettering. "Although we fully understand Earth's hunger for our generally superior puzzles, and would appreciate fresh competition, it's yet further distraction from the higher aim of finding the Receda Cube. How many scribe-hours have already been sunk into this project? How many more will it take until our Earth-based friends get their act together? This could just go on and on, and it's distasteful to simply 'move on' from the core purpose of the project. ... How does this help the average Perplex Citizen on the street today? We've become nothing more than a distant, idly entertaining pastime for the people of Earth, and it cheapens us all."

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Hans Ve, of the Institute For Contemporary Puzzling think-tank, is more supportive of the scheme, however. "Clearly, this is a desperately-needed extension of the Academy's existing efforts. With such high stakes, we have no choice but to keep our cause at the forefront of Earth's puzzlers' minds. ... Does Kettering really think we can expect the average participant - or even the stars of the leaderboard - to maintain their interest in our people without any further investment whatsoever? That would be madness, and whether it requires another 256 puzzles or 25,600, we'll continue to support this bold initiative until the Cube is finally found - and beyond."

and my fave'

Quote:

Fistfight in Crowd Ends Ooze Performance
By JOYCE HARRINGTON
Up-and-coming band The Ooze had their performance at The Gnarly Fox ended abruptly last night when the crowd began fighting. The standing-room-only show erupted into violence when additional fans tried to push inside. Four people were treated for injuries on the scene, and eight were arrested for assault.

Gnarly Fox proprietor Dice Brown called the incident a "regrettable security lapse" and insisted it wouldn't happen again. "The band is so popular, see, that the fans were shoving and all to get a closer look." Police say Brown has received citations for inadequate security and for breaking fire regulations, as the fire department has cleared the bar for one hundred eighty occupants and well over two hundred twenty were present when police arrived.

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The band's front man, Evelyn Crowley, said that the band had just begun playing its new single, Faberling, when "they all just went insane," he said. "I saw in the back some regular pushing and cuffing, nothing serious, and then all of a sudden there's fists up and howling for blood. Now I know how [Roll for Damage singer] Alejo [Jackson] must feel all the time."

Some crowd members, though, insisted that the brawl had more to do with the weather than the performance. "The Gnarly Fox is my regular hangout," said 23-year-old Laura Yao. "But it was so cold last night, I think it set some kind of record or something, and we all just wanted to get in where it was warm. ... I guess The Ooze is pretty good, too, though."

While The Ooze does not have a formal recording and distribution deal, they recently pushed out Faberling for free distribution.

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]Playing ->outcast?

Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 12:51 pm

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