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 Forum index » Archive » Archive: Cloverfield (1-18-08) » Cloverfield: Reference / Press / Questions
[META] Join THE EFFECT
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KidReviewer
Boot


Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 64

 		Are Your Kids in Danger from Tagruato?
Are Your Kids in Danger from Tagruato?

Ninety percent of adult smokers started smoking as kids. As court documents have shown, tobacco companies were well aware of children as a big market. It took a long time for the public to catch on, but finally the days of Joe Camel, candy-flavored cigarettes, and ads in youth magazines were pointed out for what they were -- exploitation and poisoning of children. But now there's a new menace, and it looks more deadly and seductive by far. This evil is trying to fool our kids with brand names like: Slusho! brand happy drink, and ParafFun!, but behind it all is Tagruato, a multinational corporation who wants to be the dope dealer for a world of addicts.

Hyperbole? Consider first the potential danger of their products. Tagruato's ParafFun! Wax company has apparently issued a massive recall of their products. Recent calls to corporate headquarters received a voicemail saying, "If you have questions concerning our ParafFun recall, please leave a message, and one of our associates will find and support you as soon as possible." Recalled for what purpose? They claim their product is edible. You only recall edible things when they are bad for people's health!

And consider a study by the Ravaille Research Center that says the 'secret ingredient' of Slusho! drinks "has somehow evaded classification in any kind of international dietary database." Does that sound safe? Researchers tried to contact Tagruato's representatives, but received no response "despite repeat phone calls, emails, and an ill-fated office visit." What does Tagruato have to hide? When some samples were obtained and tested by the researchers they significant physiological changes in the subjects. If that wasn't enough, their tests also showed changes in the mental state of subjects. The symptoms are similar to those of drug abusers, particularly users of Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, commonly known as ecstasy.

So there are clearly two, if not more, companies in the Tagruato empire that are producing dangerous products, but are they marketing to kids? Just spend 30 seconds on the Slusho! corporate site to be convinced. Decorated completely in childish themes, with dancing animals, bright cartoonish images, and a constant theme song that will have you thinking the Barney theme is classic rock. The entire site is 'hosted' by two grinning kids, and they promote their events with a group of girls called Smilers!, evoking the atmosphere a Nickelodeon TV show.

Not yet convinced? A quick visit to the Tagruato site shows their robust claims of a coming "...animated television show starring the Slusho! Flavor Droids!." Now who will that show will appeal to? Consider that one of their highly touted 'successes' is the sponsorship of Little League baseball team the Tagruato Lions. Or, take a look at their ParafFun! company, where Tagruato boasts "Making a box of crayons? ParafFun!" How many adults care about crayons? Surfboard wax? Paintballs? All activities for young people. Even the ParafFun! name and logo is designed to appeal to young people. Case closed.

Tagruato has been expanding their empire aggressively across the globe. How widespread is the danger? The corporate site is not shy about their plans: "The next step is to introduce Slusho! to the rest of the world. A search is on for top marketing professionals who will be tasked with duplicating the drink's Asian popularity in the Western market. Our aspiration is to one day place Slusho! dispensers in every convenience store and mini mart. Slusho zoom!"

Tagruato is marketing to kids ten times more overtly than tobacco companies did, and the chemical effects of their products could be much worse. The Slusho! site claims "We are coming, we'll find you soon." They are coming alright -- for your kids. Stop Tagruato now, before it's too late.


KidReviewer

[okay, criticism and edits welcome. If it's worthy, some text should be linked upon publishing.]

[/img]

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:12 am
Last edited by KidReviewer on Fri Nov 30, 2007 9:25 am; edited 2 times in total
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Bacon Army
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Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 447

 		I like it. It's a good general article, summing up what we've seen. Just tidy up the grammar and get the final go-ahead from Eddy. Oh, and fix up that logo.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:20 am
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KidReviewer
Boot


Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 64

 		logo non tropo
Bacon Army wrote:
I like it. It's a good general article, summing up what we've seen. Just tidy up the grammar and get the final go-ahead from Eddy. Oh, and fix up that logo.


Thanks. Logo was just posted for fun. It's tacky I know, but didn't figure it would be part of the article. Open to help on the grammar part.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:33 am
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Kaliyuga
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Joined: 27 Jul 2007
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 		Hah. I like it, Kid.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 12:15 pm
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keeno_82uk
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Joined: 29 Sep 2007
Posts: 375
Location: UK

 		i think its taking it too far calling Tagruato "dope dealers" to kids.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 12:22 pm
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gypsy songman
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Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Posts: 139
keeno_82uk wrote:
i think its taking it too far calling Tagruato "dope dealers" to kids.


Just playing devil's advocate, but... How so? They do admit that Slusho! is addictive. The Effect is supposed to be stridently anti-Tagruato, so you could expect them to step up the rhetoric. I thought it was a nice touch, and the picture was deliciously over-the-top. If I stumbled on that post on the Effect blog, I might be convinced Tagruato was a real company. Smile

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 1:53 pm
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underwaterdonkey
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 		Just thinking, once (and if) it's proved IG, maybe someone could do something on the memos some people are finding in their Slusho! merchandise. You know, about the staff being practically imprisoned after a suspicious sounding "incident", quite possibly involving the Chuai plant, whose opening has been delayed for many months now without any explanation.
_________________
I sold my soul to Vince Noir for a can of Goth Juice.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:09 pm
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TwelfthMonkey
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Joined: 25 Nov 2007
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 		yeah but if we got an insider in the Chuai Station, we don't want his/her bosses to know about it.

that's why the effect shouldn't make any comments.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:14 pm
Last edited by TwelfthMonkey on Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:32 pm; edited 1 time in total
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underwaterdonkey
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TwelfthMonkey wrote:
yeah but is we got an insider in the Chuai Station, we don't want his/her bosses to know about it.

that's why the effect shouldn't make any comments.


We could just say that we are getting reports from members of the public that they are finding messages in their Slusho! merchandise that, when pieced together and translated, show a much darker side of Tagruato than even The Effect could have imagined. It could mean that The Effect could branch out into more Amnesty International type of stuff, maltreatment of staff and all.
_________________
I sold my soul to Vince Noir for a can of Goth Juice.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:21 pm
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Bacon Army
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Joined: 01 Nov 2007
Posts: 447
underwaterdonkey wrote:
TwelfthMonkey wrote:
yeah but is we got an insider in the Chuai Station, we don't want his/her bosses to know about it.

that's why the effect shouldn't make any comments.


We could just say that we are getting reports from members of the public that they are finding messages in their Slusho! merchandise that, when pieced together and translated, show a much darker side of Tagruato than even The Effect could have imagined. It could mean that The Effect could branch out into more Amnesty International type of stuff, maltreatment of staff and all.


Still gives off too much information, and, playing as OOG-looking-IG, it would too readily reveal to Tagruato - who would no doubt be keeping tabs on such a group as The Effect - that there's a whistleblower, and they'd clamp down something terrible. So, it's a good idea, but it'd have to be dumbed-down and made shady something terrible.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 6:22 pm
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Eddy
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Joined: 05 Sep 2007
Posts: 194

 		Edit of Kid's article. Got a bit more extensive than I'd set out to do. Not really sure if it's an improvement. Kid? Others?

Quote:
Are Your Kids in Danger from Tagruato?

Ninety percent of adult smokers started smoking as kids. As court documents have shown, tobacco companies specifically marketed to children. It took a long time for the public conscience to catch on, but finally the days of Joe Camel, candy-flavored cigarettes, and ads in youth magazines were exposed for what they were -- a cynical gambit to condemn the most vulnerable segment of society to an abbreviated and poisonous life of servitude to Big Tobacco. But now there's a new menace, and it has taken a page right out of Big Tobacco's illicit playbook. This new player is again targeting the most vulnerable segment of society, our children, and they're doing it with cartoon character simplicity. Slusho!, with their mindless happy talk and mind numbing giggle have taken full advantage of society's complacency and unchecked, have specifically targeted children as their preferred guinea pigs.

Consider a study by the Ravaille Research Center that says the 'secret ingredient' of Slusho! drinks "has somehow evaded classification in any kind of international dietary database." Does that sound safe? Researchers tried to contact Tagruato's (Slusho!'s parent company) representatives, but received no response "despite repeat phone calls, emails, and an ill-fated office visit." What does Tagruato have to hide? When some samples were obtained and tested by the researchers they observed significant physiological changes in the subjects. If that wasn't enough, their tests also showed changes in the mental state of subjects. The symptoms are similar to those of drug abusers, particularly users of Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, commonly known as ecstasy.

A quick visit to the Tagruato site shows their robust claims of a coming "...animated television show starring the Slusho! Flavor Droids!." Now who will that show appeal to? Consider that one of their highly touted 'successes' is the sponsorship of Little League baseball team the Tagruato Lions.

Not yet concerned? Tagruato boasts "Making a box of crayons? ParafFun!" How many adults care about crayons? Surfboard wax? Paintballs? All activities for young people. Even the ParafFun! name and logo is designed to appeal to young people. But Tagruato's ParafFun! Wax company has apparently issued a massive recall of their products. Recent calls to corporate headquarters received a voicemail saying, "If you have questions concerning our ParafFun recall, please leave a message, and one of our associates will find and support you as soon as possible." Recalled for what purpose? They claim their product is edible. You only recall edible things when they are bad for people's health!

Tagruato has been expanding their empire aggressively across the globe. How widespread is the danger? The corporate site is not shy about their plans: "The next step is to introduce Slusho! to the rest of the world. A search is on for top marketing professionals who will be tasked with duplicating the drink's Asian popularity in the Western market. Our aspiration is to one day place Slusho! dispensers in every convenience store and mini mart. Slusho zoom!"

Tagruato is marketing to kids ten times more overtly than tobacco companies ever did, and the chemical side effects of their products could prove much worse, and much more immediate. The Slusho! site claims "We are coming, we'll find you soon." They are coming alright -- for your kids. Stop Tagruato now, before it's too late.


PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 6:43 pm
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gypsy songman
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Joined: 11 Oct 2007
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Bacon Army wrote:
underwaterdonkey wrote:
TwelfthMonkey wrote:
yeah but is we got an insider in the Chuai Station, we don't want his/her bosses to know about it.

that's why the effect shouldn't make any comments.


We could just say that we are getting reports from members of the public that they are finding messages in their Slusho! merchandise that, when pieced together and translated, show a much darker side of Tagruato than even The Effect could have imagined. It could mean that The Effect could branch out into more Amnesty International type of stuff, maltreatment of staff and all.


Still gives off too much information, and, playing as OOG-looking-IG, it would too readily reveal to Tagruato - who would no doubt be keeping tabs on such a group as The Effect - that there's a whistleblower, and they'd clamp down something terrible. So, it's a good idea, but it'd have to be dumbed-down and made shady something terrible.


If you really wanted to mention it on the blog, you could say:

"The Effect has always received reports of shocking mistreatment by Tagruato- it is well known that they market an addictive substance to consumers in the form of Slusho!, and that they engage in animal testing to determine the effects of long-term exposure to said product. Our expose of the dark, disturbing genetic experimentation at YMR shocked the world. We were the first to report the recent- still unexplained- ParafFun! recall, and it is time we told you the true story of how we came to know about it, and these other tales of corporate malfeasance.

For years, The Effect has developed a loose network of contacts inside Tagruato and its subsidiaries. They came from every division of the company, from tiny branch laboratories and large-scale production centers, and from every level: we even made contact recently with a disgruntled high-ranking executive close to Ganu Yoshida himself!

Overnight, however, we lost our entire network of informants. Reports that came every day or two have, for more than a week, simply not come. Reliable reports from concerned Effect members near Tagruato installations indicate the company has gone in to lockdown mode; no information can get in or out right now. Members near the Suijin platform are telling us not even employees can get in or out, with workers restricted to their quarters when not on duty. In the spirit of these brave whistle blowers, we now come clean with you, the concerned public, and hope you'll forgive us our secrecy: please understand the covert nature of these contacts and our great need to keep the identities of our informats confidential. With the advent of this lockdown, we've decided to go public, in the hope that doing so will keep our friends on the inside safe and unharmed. We don't know why this wall went up, and it scares us.

To our friends on the inside: we believe you are well and pray you remain that way. To our friends on the outside: Tagruato is clearly planning something huge in the near future, and we must remain vigilant in our efforts to expose their next reckless transgression against the planet."

Something like that, anyway. Let them know we know there's a communications lockdown in place (or don't, it's not necessarily company wide); find a way to phrase it that shows a card or two but doesn't tip our entire hand. At this point, giving up the whistle blower by laying out his MO would only blow up in our (and his/her) face.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 7:00 pm
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Eddy
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Joined: 05 Sep 2007
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 		Okay. I reported on the slusho packing find. Tried to be delicate.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 8:54 pm
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Chrizzy
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Joined: 20 Nov 2007
Posts: 611
Location: Halifax, NS

 		I think the way you reported it is perfect. Nothing incriminating for "our source", but enough to accurately present what's been discovered.
I think this report may be the one that makes The Effect sound the most official.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 9:03 pm
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KidReviewer
Boot


Joined: 10 Aug 2007
Posts: 64

 		good by me
Eddy wrote:
Edit of Kid's article. Got a bit more extensive than I'd set out to do. Not really sure if it's an improvement. Kid? Others?


Good by me if others are comfortable. I made 9-10 grammar edits early on, so it's what I wanted to say. I think it's just the type of rhetoric that activists would say, no lies, but a little spin for the cause...errr, the EFFECT!

KR

PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 1:53 am
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