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[sp103]

With Cloverfield at a stand-still, a new story for you

[LionHeaRT]

Hey man, not bad! I am interested now, and you cut me off...

[kosmopol]

It looks interesting. I'bve to read you story. Btw you inspirated me to something. I'll open new thread soon too

[sp103]

Curious if you guys figured out whats really going on, if I gave too much away etc. I'll write the rest by the end of the day so your not left hanging!

[geezyj]

this would be a kickass movie

[LionHeaRT]

I'm waiting here.. haha

[sp103]

Day 4 Continued: During Officer Rodriguez's lunch break he stops by the 911 dispatch center. He speaks to his friend Shirley, who tells him between 7am and 9am they were refusing ambulance services per order of the 911 Supervisor. Rodriguez goes to speak with the Supervisor asks what the hell is going on. The Supervisor Mike says "The order came from the Mayor, I don't know!". She says backed up calls for ambulances are now being handled. After his stop Rodriguez goes to gas up his patrol car. He hasn't received a single call all day on the radio. The gas station is closed so he's forced to pay out of pocket with his last $20 for 2.3 gallons of gas. His Cell phone rings and it's the school, notifying they are releasing his kids early at 1:15 pm, but the recorded message doesn't state why. This leaves him 15 minutes to get across town.
He arrives at the school and picks up his kids. Multiple other parents are concerned for some parents whom didn't show up to get their kids, probably due to the late notice. On the way back to the station to pick up his private vehicle to head home, he's stopped at an intersection and ordered out of his vehicle by an armed national guardsman whom doesn't state the reason. The guardsman looks at the fuel gauge and takes the vehicle speeding off. Stranded, he takes the kids to a nearby convenience store to use the ATM and call a cab. His account has plenty of money but the ATM says "insuffiencent funds". He runs into another parent he knows from his daughter's school and gets home. The parent, Shawn says his ATM card was denied too earlier that day. He calls the station about the police car being taken, and the only person in charge, a detective tells him "it's alright". He asks what the hell is going on, and the detective says he has no idea.
When Officer Rodriguez gets home, the power is off at his apartment. He calls his landlord and leaves a message. He turns on his laptop and checks his email, and there are multiple "FINAL NOTICE" emails from his credit card accounts. He's surprised because none of his accounts are overdue. He then looks up his ATM account and finds that it is at 0 dollars, and many transactions are from his credit card companies taking out as much as they could. One took $1,000 at 11:00am, another took $1,000 at 11:01 am and then his VISA card took the remaining $2,428.02 he had left at 11:04am. Pissed off he calls VISA but the lines are busy. He then turns on the evening news and hears the president will be staying China for an undisclosed amount of time to handle "issues".
Day 5: Having difficulty sleeping, Rodriguez's daughter Caitlin wakes him up at 2 AM. Unable to sleep himself after getting her back to bed, he hears a crash outside. He looks and sees two National Guardsman breaking into his car. He runs outside with his gun, and tells them to get the hell out of there. When one of them raises his rifle at him, he shoots him in the chest and he's instantly dead. Officer Rodriguez at gun-points orders the other guardsman to lower his weapon and come inside.
Inside, Rodriguez demands to know what the hell is going on with the PD, Fire and Ambulance services as well as all the guardsman running around town. The guardsman, named Mark, says "well turn on the TV now, somebody's has by now telling the truth".
Sure enough, at 3 AM, he flips on Fox News and a breaking news alert comes on.
The anchor "Ladies and Gentleman out of respect of the US government we have been silent, but it has been too long and too many people are now in a panic, and rightfully so. We have learned that over 30 countries are now refusing to accept the American dollar as a valid form of currency. It's expected that all major banking centers to be closed tomorrow. Many report their money gone, taken without authorization by banks, lenders and credit card companies in a last minute attempt to salvage their debts, leaving people stranded without any form of money. An inside source at Bank of America tells us the order went out to recollect all debts by any means necessary electronically and to send all employees home, and tyhe utilized the systems that handle automatic bill payments".
Rodriguez turns to the guardsman and asks him what was his orders. "Well until midnight tonight was riot control, but now we've been told to go home. My partner who you killed were just trying to get a ride home, or go to Canada". Why Canada Rodriguez asks.. "Because they will still take our money, and by tomorrow night, this city will be in flames as people realize their power, A/C won't work and stores will run out of food.
Feeling guilty about the dead body in the driveway, he offers Mark a ride along with his daughters to Canada. Mark says he still has a wad of cash because he learned what was happening before the banks seized everyone's accounts. Mark says even though his balance with his credit card was under $100, at 11:01am the previous day they attempted to withdraw his entire checking account of $19,383 but the transaction was declined because Mark transferred the money to Western Union who then gave him a cashier's check and he went to a local bank to cash. The local bank, too small to know the true issues occurring cashed it without question since he was in uniform.
They jump in the car and learn from the radio many PD officers are being told not to come to work, and FD and ambulance personnel as well. Rodriguez calls his station and their is no answer. He calls his friend from the dispatch center, but during the conversation he cell phone cuts out. Mark too simultaneously attempts to contact his father, at the same time the call drops as well. They mention it, as Mark has Sprint and Rodriguez has ATT. Their cell phones never work again.
At around 6am they pull into a gas station that looks still open. When they get out, they are ambushed by 6 men who at gunpoint order them on the ground. Outnumbered they comply. The six men load bags of items from the gas station store into the car and speed off. They go inside to find a generator running the store and two dead store employees.
On the TV set, an announcement comes on: "The emergency alert system has been activated, please wait for instructions". A few moments later, a picture of the president comes on.
"My fellow Americans, today will be last sunrise for our great nation. Our largest financial lenders, China and Japan, due worsening economic factors have now decided to refuse our currency and wish to cash in on the debts owed by each American citizen. I urge still friendly nations to accept the America citizens whom are now refuges, whom are hardworking peaceful people."
The message ends, and the screen reads "EAS System instructions:to public: Null".
Rodriguez looks at Mark and quips "So are you Chinese or Japenese"? to which mark responds "We from Laos stupid!"
The News station then comes back on, and Fox News Alert: "America is Broke" and shows middle eastern burning the flag with signs "Greed killed the Devil" and "Allah ends the USA". The anchor then says Canada has closed its borders and will fire upon any whom attempt to cross it. Rumors float that Japan has struck a deal with Mexico and Canada to lock up the borders to confine US citizens for what insiders are saying "Doing their hard time for their greed". The anchorman states Fox News was the first to report this incident because they are a 100% US-owned Corporation, and other media blackouts were because of foreign interest. The anchorman reveals they were hoping for a resolution to the crisis, therefore didn't first report it due to the grand scale of the information. The channel then cuts off.
"There has to be a reason why this all happening now don't you think" Rodriguez asks.
Just then, a violent shake of the ground occurs. They run outside, and a strong gust of wind that's very hot hits them. Its quiet for a moment, then debris showers down, igniting the gas station and a massive explosion occurs.
Black screen.
The screen then switches to a family watching TV. The News comes on "Sydney at 6 News Now".
Anchorwoman: Scenes of devastation and ashes falling are shown along with a map showing a bullseye near Carson City, Nevada is shown.
"China and Japan's disgusting treatment of the American People before the impact has outraged the World. Most of all European Nations have now declared war on China, however recovery efforts for possible survivors in both America and Canada has been their first priority"...
fade to black.

What did you think?


PS: If you didn't get it, China and Japan are the leading lenders to the US for the national debt (41%). They call in their debts due to their advanced knowledge of a medium sized meteorite that will strike the US and destroy most of the country. It is suspected that only 7 people in the US are in charge of locating Nearby dangerous meteors which pose a strike threat. Japan's Space Program, far superior to NASA, was equipped to locate dangerous items more quickly.

[LionHeaRT]

Man, that's pretty good! I think you break into what's going on too quickly, though. If you could draw it out in suspense, building up to how people figure it out, you could probably get a lot more out of it! But, it definitely makes me want to keep reading!

[sp103]

Thank you for your feedback and praise!
I did condense it for a more friendly reading. Its hard to give visuals as I'm not a professional writer.
What was most important is I wanted a good twist at the end. Obviously, the tough economy was the basis of what the story was about (gas prices, credit crunch etc) but I wanted to provide a deeper reasoning for it.

[LionHeaRT]

You should definitely extend this out into an epic novel and make millions. I'll be your manager!