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 Forum index » Archive » Archive: MetaCortechs » MetaCortechs: General/Updates
[UPDATE] Dina Weblog [Nov 15]
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Medemia
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Joined: 13 Nov 2003
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 		[UPDATE] Dina Weblog [Nov 15]
Quote:

November 15, 2003



I was in the midst of packing things for this weekend trip, and I caught sight of the butterfly hanging on its little hook on the door. I moved to take it off, but then thought I should capture this with a quick photo. You see, I am completely ready to move forward, but at the same time, I never again want my past to be taken from me. I want to know where I came from, and I want to learn from my mistakes. Whatever happened to us to make us who we are today is something I want to understand as surely as I know the love I feel when Ethan smiles at me, or the satisfaction of completing a new song.

I am so excited about this weekend, I cannot tell you. Forget the workshops and the inner searching for meaning through art and meditation - no offense, Fiona and Wongmo - but I have to tell you that this weekend is quite possibly one of the most important and liberating of my entire life. You might think that's just hyperbole, just me being emotional and grasping at anything to bring me out of this semi-nightmare I've been living in for the past few months, but if you were in my shoes, you'd stop and think about it for just a minute. One little Redland minute, and suddenly the world will explode into color and light and song and relief.

The suitcase and carry-on are sitting on the chair, right over there. They were sitting on our bed in Chicago only yesterday. We're here, and we've got plans.

I think sometimes, over the last several weeks, of what a mixed-up world we're living in. We move from day to day, and we never really do know what's going to be around the corner, or on the other side of some small decision. We take what we get and we accept it so gratefully, so blindly. For the most part, that might be an alright way to live. For the most part. But what happens to doubt and fear? Do we never cope with it, then? Do we just lash out in anger, against our family, our friends, our neighbors, other countries? What justification is there for things like war, when most of us don't even know why we're in one? The nightmares were my war, and I was fighting myself, I was taking every piece of myself and plotting a course to self-destruction. Oh, it might've taken a few years, but I ask you: would anyone consider themselves sane after all this lost sleep, this core of confusion that's held back my real life? What lengths would I have gone to to get a decent night's sleep?

I want to know what friends I have on the other side. I want to see this new place I apparently carved out a year ago. I want to find him, and I want to tell him I am so, so sorry that we failed him. That I failed him. That somehow, I was not strong enough to hold onto something so important and amazing.

It feels really strange to be so sure of these things. I know perhaps you, the reader, whoever you are, you may not understand what I am feeling right now. That's OK, I haven't told a lot of the story here, either. You're mostly likely looking at a puzzle missing a few pieces. That's alright. You know that when you wake up every morning you're going to be looking at the same ceiling, you will have the same pillow under your head. When your feet hit the floor, they feel just as stiff or bony as the day before. When you run your hands through your hair, rinsing out shampoo, when you drink your coffee, these things have a certain expectancy, a consistency to them. You learn these things by rote without even knowing it: the angle your leg needs to bend at the knee in order to drop down to the next step in a stairwell, the amount of pressure you need to sign a check with your favorite fountain pen, the feel of your hand in his, the taste of coffee at 7 AM with the news floating out of the television in the other room, your first recital, the funeral for your father, and then the funeral for your mother, the sweetness of oranges in the middle of winter.

This acidic tang to life is what keeps us going, perhaps. Tart citrus, sometimes chile pepper, some chocolate, a dash of saffron. There is so much to see now, and I feel grateful that whatever movement there is in the world, it's brought me the serendipity of my past life.

It's probably well past time for me to stop typing into this laptop and get ready for the day. This day, that I have been looking forward to long before I even know what I was wanting so badly.

Mid-50's today, some rain. It still seems like the brightest, most promising weather yet.

Wish me luck. I almost can't wait to come back to this space to write about all of this, and how I am feeling, but at the same time, I am sure you will understand if I take some time to be with my family, to make amends for whatever errors I may have committed oh, so long ago.

Posted by Dina at 04:55 PM


PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:03 pm
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King Mob
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 		Not another butterfly!? Shocked
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:10 pm
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niobexrev
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 		cough

Scuse me. Anyway, butterfly=clue. Call me captain obvious.
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ALL JPGs and GIFs updated 11.22.03 with endgame pics

PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:19 pm
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King Mob
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 		Caption Obvious Wink
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:21 pm
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King Mob
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 		It sounds to me as if she's planning on meeting up with Jesse - the way the world just seems so much brighter to her, that every experience is so much more beautiful, the mention of family towards the end.
Obviously, she's in Redland right now, so I guess that rules out any possibility in the near future of a chance meeting at a certain Internet cafe.
But that buttefly - could it represent renewal? Hope? And if so, what's it doing on Wongmo's website? Did Dina take that photograph too? (I've only just realised how creative Dina is! Music, sketches, photography, a blog - what's left?)
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:31 pm
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Medemia
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 		The other picture was taken by "Estaban" in what I guess would be Spain, considering the Butterfly seems to be European in origin. It's a strange coincidence if it isn't a clue.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:34 pm
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niobexrev
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 		Well I tried "butterfly" and "poised" for some other Dina secret websites... didn't work.
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ALL JPGs and GIFs updated 11.22.03 with endgame pics

PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:36 pm
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King Mob
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 		I doubt it's a conicidence, considering how many layers the PM's add to this whole thing. Can we figure out what kind of butterfly this is? (Although I don't know how that could help us...) And what about the background of the two photographs? I don't see any similarities, so maybe that is just meant to focus our attention on the butterflies; but then again, who knows with the PMs!
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:38 pm
Last edited by King Mob on Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Medemia
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 		Her being in Redland (West coast), she posted this an hour before the time shown. Don't think it's significant. Just interesting.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:39 pm
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bakntime
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 		It might be helpful to re-read through this thread:

http://forums.unfiction.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=3183

on the Wongmo picture...

Especially about the symbolism of butterflies.

PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2003 8:50 pm
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Moriar
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 		Some lyrics:

----

Butterfly (A New Beginning)

The beauty of a butterfly that turns into something new
And I feel a new beginning
The beauty of a butterfly that turns into something new
And I feel a new beginning

So I go to work and smile
And I'm happy with myself
A brave face for my crowd
Correcting all my faults
With prescription medicine
My trouble surges

The beauty of a butterfly that turns into something new
And I feel a new beginning
The beauty of a butterfly that turns into something new
And I feel a new beginning

There is beauty on my own
Where I gloss over my flaws
At least I like to think I do
Correct my errors and my faults
To be someone who is appeased
With who I am for

The beauty of a butterfly that turns into something new
And I feel a new beginning
The beauty of a butterfly that turns into something new
And I feel a new beginning

Again, again

Right then, I have to make a choice
I'm gonna start right over as another boy
Just got to poke me, kick me off my arse
Make it rhyme, make it bland, make it sell
So she said ";knew you off the TV
Never mind, you must have had it easier
Than me, tell me what's your secret";
Make it rhyme, make it bland, make it sell

The beauty of a butterfly that turns into something new
And I feel a new beginning
The beauty of a butterfly that turns into something new
And I feel a new beginning

Again, again
Again, again
Again (the beauty of a butterfly), again (the beauty of a butterfly)
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2003 10:52 pm
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Mayalla
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 		It is interesting to know that both Frogs and butterflies undergo metamorphosis. I tried it but no secret site with metamorphosis.html

PostPosted: Sun Nov 16, 2003 10:43 am
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bakntime
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 		I tried like heck to identify that butterfly, and I can't do it... Confused Sad

PostPosted: Sun Nov 16, 2003 2:33 pm
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Sunny du Pree
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bakntime wrote:
I tried like heck to identify that butterfly, and I can't do it... Confused Sad

its already been identified I just dont know where to tell you to look. maybe in this thread I dont know...gud luk
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PostPosted: Sun Nov 16, 2003 4:09 pm
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bakntime
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Sunny du Pree wrote:
bakntime wrote:
I tried like heck to identify that butterfly, and I can't do it... Confused Sad

its already been identified I just dont know where to tell you to look. maybe in this thread I dont know...gud luk


??

Where... I identified the one from the Wongmo picture, but I didn't think we had figured out yet what kind of butterfly the one in Dina's picture is... Did I miss something?

PostPosted: Sun Nov 16, 2003 4:13 pm
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