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[Axcelissearching]

[DEAD SERIES]: Dangered Beings

[Seraphic Adonis]

I don't think GMs are meant to post here... but whatever! I haven't seen your videos yet, but I'm willing to at least lend a hand with the writing. Do you have MSN? If you do, I'm willing to serve as a testing ground for any ideas you've got, as well as maybe writing a few scripts if I must?

I mean, unless you want this to be a community thing, it's best to pick a handful of people and have them help you.

In any case, I shall volunteer myself to assist you with the writing. If you're interested, please send me a PM or reply here.

Anyway, now to watch the videos.

-edits below-
Right, running commentary. Introduction first: firstly, text size. I'd recommend chopping it down; keep it small but legible, not massive and eye-bleeding. Secondly, I'd recommend saving dramatic stuff (i.e. "He got rushed into hospital/He had been attacked") for somewhat dramatic stuff; as in, try and keep the number of "slides" down. The rest of the problems with the text is iffy grammar, which any writer worth their salt will work on.

Now, I really dislike the use of a few slides of text, followed by slides of text but on a background, maybe with trees! - it's been done, it rarely looks good. Secondly, white text as a background to a sunny day? Not recommended. If you do it again, try using something like a dark red; unlikely to blend in. But I do like the location~! :3

Now, Video #1. You've got a nice new font, which is good. Now, it might just be because I have a really bad memory for things, but the hosue you use for shooting strikes me as quite similar to the one used by the guy who did Finding the Darkness, but I presume this is a coincidence?

Nice and subtle appearance of Slendy (or a Slendy-like being) at 1:30. Now, one thing I will say is that if you keep up with the "I am not showing my identity" shtick, I'd recommend shooting the camera so that it doesn't show the guy in the first place! Or, at the most, shows his hands. I notice that you correct this, so that's fine. Also: did you turn that computer screen on? Since it looks like it's switched off, at least to me.

Anyway, those are my initial thoughts on the first two videos. Nicely done, although I think you could at least do with a grammar checker!

[Axcelissearching]

Thanks for the tips!

The house is mine, never before seen. And yes, the computer was turned on, just an awkward angle.

I've been thinking of some ideas, but nothing to exiting has come up yet.

[blahblah]

please dont do the marble hornet word intro thingy. tribe twelve already got raged by it, and only semi-redeemed itself with the unboxing thing.

i havent seen the whole video, but it seems pretty sick.

[Seraphic Adonis]

I think you mean "slick."

Anyway, I have a few disjointed ideas for a side-story floating around in my head, so if you ever need some ideas, I'm sure I could brainstorm some up, if you need it.

I'd recommend at least sending a version of the script to someone to proofread and check for typos and grammatical errors before you put it in the videos, m'self.

[SickSlickMan]

Somebody say my name?

Anyhoo, looks interesting, but please, for the love of God, drop the text crap. Originality is your friend; let him help you.

[Seraphic Adonis]

^ Wot he said, guv.

If you must provide an explanation, at least have something like Night Recording did in TribeTwelve: your character sitting down and talking about it, rather than TEXT TEXT TEXT.

[phantom321]

Why don't you make it a bit more ARGish. Not like a group of people meet in a place and shit goes down, but like what EMH is doing, with the streams and the player interaction.

I've had this idea for a Slendy video sidestory. Why don't you invite people in who are willing to give the video sidestory a chance, and like have Vlogs that mention other people making Vlogs who are part of your story. It's a different way to add characters, though it has been done before and did work (Lonelygirl15, man it's been a while since I've watched that). Some characters could be being stalked as well, some people could not be stalked but want to help, or you could have a character who has or is being stalked and knows what to do (The Tutorial sidestory, if you want a reference), and is trying to help.

Just thought I'd throw that paragraph out there.

[Axcelissearching]

[phantom321]

[Axcelissearching]

[Seraphic Adonis]

On the spoiler;

[Snippet]

There is a forum for puppetmasters, maybe you should try and post your idea(s) over there.
I'm sure you'll get the help you need =)
Link: http://forums.unfiction.com/forums/index.php?f=8

[Axcelissearching]

[Dray]

When the thread is moved, could you edit your first post to tell new viewers where to go? That way you won't have as many knee-jerk reactions of "gtfo of the forums and stop lifting the curtain!"... which I admit was my first thought on seeing this.