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 Forum index » Chaotic Fiction » Slender Man Mythos
[OT] EverymanHybrid: Off-topic Thread
Moderators: ChildOfAtom, Cougar Draven, DavFlamerock, Dixie_Wolf, ndemeter
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Mattwan
Entrenched


Joined: 16 Jul 2010
Posts: 1149
Location: Rolla, MO

 		OK, y'all inspired me to write a bar fic. It's pretty long, hope that's OK.

Quote:
Carl was waiting for another goddamned daiquiri to finish grinding when the music started skipping.

He muttered under his breath while he walked over to the computer terminal. First there was nothing but lightweights ordering frozen fruity shit all evening, and now the internet music bullshit thing was fucking up.

There was a coed squealing "I'm sooooooo drunk!" and all the douchebags cheering her on. A frat dick waved twenty dollars at him, like having a Jackson made him King Shit. Carl just hoped he could make it through the night without slicing somebody's throat along with the lemons.

The computer screen was all static. He gave it a good whack, because what else could he do? The music kept stuttering then straightened out, and Carl went to pour up the daiquiri. Frat dick was demanding a round of lemon drops for his table. Great, there'd be about a buck fifty left for a tip out of that twenty.

Carl grabbed the vodka and the music cut out. Everybody fell silent, even the sorority girl. Carl looked up, everybody was looking around, nervous. He felt the skin between his shoulders tingling, and he swore he heard an icy voice inside his head: "LAST CALL"

There was a run on the bar. People throwing down bills and scurrying for the door, people trying to cash out their tabs. The card machine was fucking up, but Carl wanted to get everybody out and close up early. He started comping everybody, handing them back their cards and wishing them godspeed. The boss would be furious, but Carl'd blame it on the computers. He didn't hate the bar kids any more, he just hoped they got home safe.

Carl pulled out his shotgun and scanned the bar, looked in the toilets. Empty. Good. He switched off the beer signs and locked the door. He thought he should relax now, he was safe, but he was still tense.

"GOOD."

Carl turned. There was a tall man in a black suit, skinny, no face. No fucking face, standing by the bar. Carl pissed himself, nobody'd blame him. He couldn't speak.

"ONE BEEFEATER TONIC, ONE YUENGLING."

Carl just stared, mouth open. His head ached from the booming voice between his ears.

"PLEASE."

Knees like water, Carl stumbled behind the bar. He never took his eyes off the faceless thing. He found the bottles and pulled the tap from memory. He wanted to laugh or cry or something, anything to relieve the horror, but he could only stare.

He put down coasters. He put down fucking coasters. He looked at the little cardboard squares printed with Bud logos, flipped down from habit, and finally he started to laugh. He giggled, he squealed, he thought he'd never stop. He put the drinks down and backed away.

"THANK YOU."

There was a scuffling in the crawlspace above the drop ceiling. Carl looked up, following the movement, the laughter dead in his throat. He saw the corner of one of the ceiling tiles wiggle, then move up and away. A heavy white shape dropped through the hole.

A misshapen, hairless creature scurried across the floor and climbed up on the stool next to the faceless man. He smelled like the grave, his lips were sliced open by his jagged teeth, and his eyes...his black eyes. His eyes were deep, eternal blackness, a window into the oblivion of death.

It grabbed the beer with a clawed hand and gulped half down. The faceless man sipped. How did he drink with no lips? Carl wanted to scan the dark cloth for spilled gin, but he was afraid to look too closely.

The beast began to growl softly. The man in the suit tilted his head slightly, as if listening. The beast went silent, then leaned in toward the faceless man. Then, oh god, he chuckled. The sound of tectonic plates grinding, the sound of corpses clawing their coffin lids. He was laughing.

Carl tried his best not to look, not to pay attention, not to get involved He added sanitizer to a fresh bucket of towels and started wiping down the bar. He put the shotgun away, knowing it'd be no use.

He couldn't ignore the steady rhythm of conversation, though, the beast's guttural noises pausing for silence from the faceless man.

"ANOTHER ROUND. PLEASE."

Carl made the drinks.

He counted the till. He inventoried the bottles. Anything to ignore the abominations chatting at his bar.

He couldn't help it, though. Some things draw you in. He started hearing words in the beast's growling. He started hearing the faceless man's voice in his head, the boom of crackling ice replaced by the tinkle of falling icicles.

The beast raised his glass. "Here's to the ones that never ran!"

The faceless one returned the toast. "Oh, yes, those are the best. I adore it when they stare, when they marinate in their own terror."

"Yes, yes! There was this boy. Aaron. I watched him for four nights before he finally woke up. And when he did? I just kept staring at him. He never made a peep. I knew I had a good'n."

"What ever did you do?"

"I started with his toes. His feet. I'd lift up the covers and claw his toes and feet. Not even break the skin, just enough that he'd feel it. And he never made a sound."

"Delightful!"

"Six days I worked on his feet. He never even kicked. Never told his mama. Seventh day I crawled up in the bed, hunkered over him. Moved down like to kiss him. He was crying, but he didn't make a sound."

"You...kissed the boy?"

"Naw! I took his throat in my mouth. Got almost his whole neck in! And I bit. First night, I just left a mark. Next night, I broke the skin and licked the wounds."

The faceless man was leaning in close to the beast, obviously excited. "And then?"

"Well hell, what do you think? There weren't enough scraps left to fill a shoebox."

The two fell back, laughing. Laughing like the beast had told the funniest story in the world. Carl realized he was crying. He sliced more lemons, just for something to do. He'd have to throw them out before he left, if he ever got to leave. He took them another round.

He heard the voice ringing in his head. "I must say, though, it amazes me that you always know their names. How ever do you manage that?"

The beast grinned. "It's a gift, old man. We all have our talents."

"Yes, yes, I suppose we do." Carl saw the faceless one turn toward his drink but noticed a tendril of inky blackness growing out of his back. The tendril snaked around the beast and tapped him on his opposite shoulder. The beast turned to see what was tapping him, the tendril slapped his face They both fell to laughing again.

"And do you know what I hate?" the faceless man said.

"Video cameras?"

He chuckled. "No, seriously. I hate the ones who try to fight. They know--they know!--it's pointless." Carl realized the suited man was bobbing on his stool. Lightweight. "But they do it anyway."

"Oh, fuck yeah," the beast growled "And it ruins the texture. Makes 'em stringy."

They fell together, laughing, pounding each other on the back. Carl refreshed their drinks, not daring to cut them off.

They stayed for hours. Carl threw up three times. He heard all about their eviscerations, their fires, their manglings and maulings. He heard their tales of voyeurism, of torture, of sneaking back to watch the discovery of their victims' remains. He heard of their deprivations until he was numb, his soul was stained. He wiped the counter more, not knowing what else to do.

"Hey! Hey, Carl!" He realized the beast was talking to him.

"Yes? Sir?" His throat was raw from puking and crying, but he tried his best to be polite.

"You done a good job, man. We appreciate it. We really do. Consider yourself safe." He tumbled off his barstool, looked back up and caught Carl's gaze with his hideous black eyes. "At least from us." He chuckled and turned, leaping onto a table and then up into the hole in the ceiling. He replaced the missing tile, and after a flurry of scuttling above he was gone.

"Yes, your services have been much appreciated." The faceless man stood, his head almost brushing the ceiling. The room began filling with mist as the man faded away. "We may call again."

The mist grew thick enough to set off the smoke detector and then cleared abruptly. Carl saw a heap of crumpled currency on the bar, some of it was even American. He fished through the pile and realized he'd have enough to cover the comped tabs and still have a couple hundred bucks left over.

It wasn't worth it.

He locked up the safe but didn't turn out the lights. It took him half an hour to force himself through the back door, out into the dark parking lot. He thought about going back for the shotgun, but he knew it wouldn't keep him safe and he knew he couldn't use it to make sure he never had to deal with strange customers again. He sat in his car. The CD player worked just fine.


PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:12 am
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bebravenow
Decorated


Joined: 13 Aug 2010
Posts: 180
Mattwan wrote:
OK, y'all inspired me to write a bar fic. It's pretty long, hope that's OK.

Quote:
A story greater than Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and Plato's works combined


...I love you.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:30 am
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grieck
Unfettered


Joined: 10 Aug 2010
Posts: 550

 		That was fucking fantastic!
_________________
Just waiting for Habit's order to betray all y'all.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:40 am
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Mira
Unfettered


Joined: 10 Aug 2010
Posts: 718

 		Mattwan, I enjoyed that more than any short story I've ever read by Neil Gaiman.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:43 am
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Mattwan
Entrenched


Joined: 16 Jul 2010
Posts: 1149
Location: Rolla, MO

 		Aw, thanks, guys! I'm all blushing.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:52 am
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Dixie_WolfModerator
Entrenched


Joined: 22 Aug 2010
Posts: 865
Location: Oklahoma

 		Mattwan... you are filled with excellence, and if it were possible, I'd bake you cookies. Sooooo many cookies.
_________________


PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 3:47 am
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Mattwan
Entrenched


Joined: 16 Jul 2010
Posts: 1149
Location: Rolla, MO
Dixie_Wolf wrote:
Mattwan... you are filled with excellence, and if it were possible, I'd bake you cookies. Sooooo many cookies.


Mmmmm, cookies.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 4:05 am
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Inferno232
Greenhorn

Joined: 18 Nov 2010
Posts: 9

 		Mattwan, the only thing that could've made that better would have been some drunken Slendy/Rake karaoke.

But seriously, nice story, man. Made my night.

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 4:23 am
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Shinigamikittens
Boot

Joined: 18 Oct 2009
Posts: 32

 		... Matt, will you marry me?

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 9:34 am
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Snippet
Decorated


Joined: 09 Jun 2010
Posts: 200

 		Hey Offtopic people! Very Happy

Please, don't let others make you think, you're clique...esque. Clique-y.. uhm, what's the right word for this? Well, I think you get what I want to say.
Since I'm more of a lurker, I can say, you people are amazing! And entertaining. And.. yeah. I'm starting to sound creepy here ^^" Just keep on with all this hilarious stuff.
Gonna crawl back into my cave and..lurk moar *teehe*

Before I go:

_________________


-Jeff? Do you want some hose? (...) I got plenty of hose *snicker* [Evan]

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 10:20 am
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Didz
Unfictologist


Joined: 21 Oct 2009
Posts: 1318
Location: Derby
Snippet wrote:
Hey Offtopic people! Very Happy

Please, don't let others make you think, you're clique...esque. Clique-y.. uhm, what's the right word for this? Well, I think you get what I want to say.
Since I'm more of a lurker, I can say, you people are amazing! And entertaining. And.. yeah. I'm starting to sound creepy here ^^" Just keep on with all this hilarious stuff.
Gonna crawl back into my cave and..lurk moar *teehe*

Before I go:



Join uuuuuus Very Happy lol.
_________________


PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 10:40 am
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Lunasa
Unfettered


Joined: 31 Oct 2010
Posts: 583
Location: Under your bed
Mattwan wrote:
OK, y'all inspired me to write a bar fic. It's pretty long, hope that's OK.

Quote:
A THING OF UTTER BEAUTY.


Good sir, I think I may love you
_________________
Completely insane and has a cool knife. What's not to love?


Rabbit #16

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 10:54 am
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SiticHybrid
Unfettered


Joined: 12 Nov 2010
Posts: 659

 		Happy Turkey Day, Rabbits.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:08 am
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Lunasa
Unfettered


Joined: 31 Oct 2010
Posts: 583
Location: Under your bed

 		Nothing quite like waking up and seeing you have an email from HABIT to start the dayoff.
_________________
Completely insane and has a cool knife. What's not to love?


Rabbit #16

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:10 am
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Snippet
Decorated


Joined: 09 Jun 2010
Posts: 200
Didz wrote:
Snippet wrote:
Hey Offtopic people! Very Happy

Please, don't let others make you think, you're clique...esque. Clique-y.. uhm, what's the right word for this? Well, I think you get what I want to say.
Since I'm more of a lurker, I can say, you people are amazing! And entertaining. And.. yeah. I'm starting to sound creepy here ^^" Just keep on with all this hilarious stuff.
Gonna crawl back into my cave and..lurk moar *teehe*

Before I go:



Join uuuuuus Very Happy lol.


*shyly sits down next to Didz* =3
_________________


-Jeff? Do you want some hose? (...) I got plenty of hose *snicker* [Evan]

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 11:30 am
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