unforum

[Lunasa]

[ledakins]

If you want I could post the first part

even though I'm not really happy with it Lolol but then again I never am--

OH MY GOD IT'S PAST 1 AM AND WHY ARE THERE LIGHTS FLICKERING OUTSIDE.

but yeah I'm never happy with what I write but...idk.

[Lunasa]

[ledakins]

...do I just

copy and paste it here?

[Lunasa]

[Adah]

Oh god it's a weekend at college and I just spent five hours watching science documentaries and lamenting over the fact that I'm unable to go to the EMH thing tomorrow I am the biggest nerd.

Also, look at all this fanfiction what is even happening?

edit: Oh man I missed a gif party! Nooo.

[Ouroborus]

The tangent universe is collapsing.

[ledakins]

Oh my god I reread it and

I...am so shy about posting it lmfao I feel weird.

_

It's an awful habit, and to be honest, Evan isn't entirely sure how it started.

The first thing he does is press the blade against his skin—the flat side. He isn't stupid enough to actually cut, and what he likes about it is the feeling of the steel anyway. Not blood. So that's what he starts out with, pressing the cold steel of one of his favorite knives against the skin of his wrist.

He drags it then, down and along his arm. The feeling of the cold weapon makes him shudder, knowing that the slightest startle could make him apply to much pressure or possibly tilt it to hard against himself.

His fingers wrap tightly around the edge of the desk he's hunched over, letting his other hand drop—tracing lines across his stomach with the blade.

In the back of his mind, a small part of him still wonders what the others would do if they knew—but he pushes that away, because this is his and his alone.

He's glad his parents go out a lot, and that his sister is almost never home—she and her friends are always gone somewhere—but even so, he's never to loud, but his breathing gets heavier just from this. He puts just a bit more pressure when it's his stomach, takes more of a risk—if his hand slips, it'll cut through him like hot butter.

He can feel a sharp pain in his hand when his nails practically dig into the wood of his desk, and finally he leans back instead—lifts his knife and drags his tongue alone the edge just because he can, because the smooth steel feels good and tastes oddly like tomato juices and something more bitter.

Against his neck. The blade isn't as cold now, warmed, but the danger is nothing less—more so, and he can hear his heart thudding rapidly, feel it pounding. He drags the tip across his pulse, expertly and knowing how much pressure will or won't cut the skin. His lips are dry as can be and he splays his fingers across his stomach, licking his lips and leaning further back in his chair.

He doesn't even bother considering what might happen if he leans to far back, if he falls—that's just part of the beauty, the thrill, and it makes everything more exciting. He lets himself lift the blade back up, placing it against his tongue and humming some jaunty tune Jeff had been listening to repeatedly lately. He lifted his fingers from his stomach to trace along his neck, double checking, relishing the feeling of his own erratic pulse.

(Some small part of him thinks Vinnie is wayyy more than correct when he teases Evan about strangeness. But he doesn't dwell on the thought.)

[ledakins]

ROLLING UNDER A ROCK FOREVER NOW

SO EMBARASSED SO EMBARASSED

[MyrtleGreen]

... You know, all this talk of an Evan Fanclub makes me wonder about his reaction to the idea...

EDIT: Leda.... that was nice. Makes me think he has a pain fetish or sommat.

[quitthecarnival]

[ledakins]

Myrtle: I have no idea what I was thinking, but then again, when he was coughing and choking out blood he was just like "guys I think I'll be okay". Despite...the fact that was like. Uh. Really Evan?

Carnival: I....HAVEN'T ACTUALLY LISTENED TO THEIR OTHER STUFF LOL.

[quitthecarnival]

[ledakins]

I...PARDON?

[Lunasa]