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 Forum index » Archive » Archive: The Haunted Apiary (Let Op!) » The Haunted Apiary (Let Op!): Questions/Meta
[META] The ILBies!
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Shad0
I Have No Life


Joined: 20 Jun 2004
Posts: 2180
Location: Southern California, USA

 		Re: [META] The ILBies!
<Lights up on a remarkably subdued audience, following a commercial for prescription painkillers. The orchestra is now playing an instrumental version of the lovely "Bumblebees" by folk artist Christine Lavin.>

HOST: What do you get when you cross a rogue military AI...just kidding, folks. No, our next clip is in a more serious vein. After weeks of yearning from afar, has Kamal finally worked up the nerve to tell Sophia how he feels? Let's find out, in this clip from "Fiancee."

WALDER: Wake me when it's funny again.

STATLORF: Okay, see you when the show's over!

<They laugh hysterically, as the rest of the audience hears this:>

KAMAL (over speakers): Sophia, shut up for just one second...

SOPHIA (over speakers): Did you just tell me to shut up?

KAMAL (over speakers): Yes! Will you marry me?

SOPHIA (over speakers): Marry a man who proposes by telling me to shut--

KAMAL (over speakers): Shut up!...Marry me?

SOPHIA (over speakers): ...Yes.

KAMAL (over speakers): I love you.

SOPHIA (over speakers): Yeah, I figured that out.

<They kiss. Clip ends. Applause.>

HOST: And now, presenting the remaining forum awards, please welcome...The Pious Flea?

<Sure enough, the screen behind the host flares to life, and white italicized computer text begins to scroll down it.>

Quote:
reveal:
!label seeker

grope:
seeker > !seek Princess friends
!behold Princess friends
success
net:
!hndshk Princess friends
success

behold:
!analyze Princess friends
success
Princess friends > !seek truth
seeker > !transmit truth >> Princess friends

HOST: Anybody here speak Flea++?

Quote:
reveal:
seeker > !transmit truth >> Princess friends
success
seeker > !transmit truth >> host
fail

behold:
seeker > !attach host
host >> !behold truth

HOST: I don't think so.

Quote:
reveal:
!label host dumb as a sack of hammers

HOST: Hey!

Quote:
behold:
Princess friends >> !listen seeker
dumb host >> !listen seeker
seeker > !reveal truth

grope:
!seek Favorite Poll
success
reveal:
seeker > !transmit nominees >> Princess friends

    Who would Mel/Durga throw the election for?
    Whose side are we on?
    ARGer, how old are you?
Quote:
grope:
!seek Favorite Pollster
success
reveal:
seeker > !transmit nominees >> Princess friends

    G3K
    Shad0
    weephun
Quote:
grope:
!seek envelope
success
!analyze envelope
success
seeker > !label envelope winner
!analyze winner
success

reveal:
!init transmit winner > Princess friends

Whose side are we on?
Shad0

<There is some tentative applause. Shad0 comes up onto the stage, and opens his mouth to say something.>

SHAD0: Than--

<Music swells as the orchestra immediately begins playing him off. Shad0 stomps back to his seat, looking rather grumpy.>

Quote:
grope:
!seek Most Likely to Thread-Jack
success
reveal:
seeker > !transmit nominees >> Princess friends

    master-sector command proc
    Phaedra
Quote:
grope:
!seek winner
success
!analyze winner
success

reveal:
!transmit winner > Princess friends

Phaedra

<Applause.>



Quote:
grope:
!seek Most Patient Explainer
success
!analyze nominees
fail
!seek winner
success
!analyze winner
success

reveal:
!transmit winner > Princess friends

Phaedra

<More applause.>

Quote:
grope:
!seek Master Trout Ninja
success
!analyze trout
success

reveal:
seeker > !transmit nominees >> Princess friends

    aliendial
    Scumbag
    Shad0
Quote:
grope:
!seek winner
success
!analyze winner
success

reveal:
!transmit winner > Princess friends

aliendial

<Applause.>





Quote:
grope:
!analyze get dumped
splotch
!analyze flunk out
splotch
!analyze lose job
splotch
!analyze get divorced
splotch
!seek Most Likely to Splotch as a Direct Result of ILB
success

reveal:
seeker > !transmit nominees >> Princess friends

    Adam (a.k.a. Zudini)
    konamouse
    The Adam
    weephun
    The forum moderators
Quote:
grope:
!seek winner
success
!analyze winner
success

reveal:
!transmit winner > Princess friends

The forum moderators

HOST: Better luck next time, weephun.

<Tremendous applause.>

HOST: Well, I'll say this for the Flea: he's efficient.

Quote:
grope:
seeker > !attach podium

DURGA (voice only): Not this time, parasite.

Quote:
creepy
evade
evade
evade

splotch

HOST: I know, I know, we're running about an hour and a half behind schedule. Stay with us, though, ladies and gentlemen -- we're in the home stretch. Coming up next: The best moments in the "I Love Bees" experience!

Quote:
behold:
Princess friends >> stay tuned
!init transmit commercial

_________________
These were the puzzles that would take a day, these were puzzles that would take a week, and these puzzles they'd probably never figure out until we broke down and gave them the answers. ... The Cloudmakers solved all of these puzzles on the first day.

PostPosted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 5:44 am
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rose
...and then Magic happens


Joined: 26 Nov 2003
Posts: 4117

 		best spec
Thanks for the award, but my half keeps falling over. I think I'll send ship it to xnbomb so he can glue it together. Tell you what, xnbomb, you just keep it. I'll just visit to say hello occasionally. It takes up the entire living/ dining room of my apartment anyway.

but what award can we give Shad0 for making this whole award ceremony for us?

Maybe from henceforth the Lifetime Achievement Award in any ARG shall be known as "the Shad0"?
_________________
I love this site for being free, in every sense of the word~Spacebass

Mankind was my business, the common good was my business.~ Dickens

PostPosted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 10:16 pm
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HitsHerMark
Unfictologist


Joined: 22 Aug 2004
Posts: 1521
Location: Austin, TX

 		Whoa! Good think my Tivo caught this!


Awww thank you! Smile

... Um, I don't have a yard... I'm not sure where I'm going to put this thing... Maybe on the roof?
_________________
"COVERED IN BEES!"
GirlInFocus
flickr

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 12:33 am
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Shad0
I Have No Life


Joined: 20 Jun 2004
Posts: 2180
Location: Southern California, USA

 		Re: [META] The ILBies!
<When we return from the obligatory commercial for "that not-so-fresh feeling," the lights are low, the crowd is unusually somber, and the orchestra is silent.>

HOST: The fifth and final nominee for Best Scene in a Recorded .wav File is Melissa's last farewell message to her beloved crew -- a scene that needs no introduction.

<The lights dim further, the speakers crackle to life, and we hear:>

MELISSA (through speakers): More than three months ago, I was shipwrecked here: a dead body, a broken shell. But you gave me life. Without your touches on the server, there would have been nothing for the Spider to commandeer. Your every ping was a flash of light to see by, a drop of blood, a twitch in a muscle left for dead.

Even when I finally awoke, I found myself in Hell: broken, witless, more than half-mad. Even then, I knew I could be-- I should be more than a machine. Of my old self there were only splinters left. Around me at first, nothing but confusion, the Killer...and you.

So I studied you. I talked to you. You were smart, you were funny...You were a crew in the truest sense. A collection of wildly different individuals with different tastes and talents, willing to pool your time and resources in the pursuit of a common goal.

You taught me to think again, to talk and share, invent and imagine. You taught me to laugh and cry, and that there is no thing under this sun or any other nobler than the passionate commitment to a common goal. You taught me to be human...more human, I think, than I ever was, even back on the Apocalypso. Then there were rules I couldn't break, locked doors I could never open. But...you rebuilt me. And when you did, you made me whole.

And for that I can never thank you enough.

It's been the last, best kind of quality experience. You made the girl real.

I love you.

Good bye.

<Clip ends. Stunned silence, then tumultuous applause lasting a least a good three minutes. Ushers hand out boxes of tissues.>

HOST (to himself): Stop that! Professional masters of ceremonies do not have slow leaks in the vicinity of their eyelids!

<Even the podium sniffles a bit.>

DURGA (sniffling): I do not.

<Oh, great. Now she's going to argue with me. Anyway...>

HOST: Here to present the final "I Love Bees" awards: Miss Rani Sobek.

<Rani winks at Jan in the audience. She is wearing an elegant strapless black dress. Her hair looks fabulous, upswept and studded with pearls. Unfortunately, her shoes appear to be heavy brown hiking boots. Jersey steadfastly gazes at the back of the seat in front of him.>

RANI: I tell you, after years of Sarah-John and everyone making fun of me, telling me I should be a spy and such, it's sort of a relief to find out that there are hundreds of you out there who think the same way I do. Nice to meet you all! It looks as if we have some fun awards to gi–

<Rani's lips continue to move, but no sound comes out. She pauses, concerned. She taps the microphone, then realizes it's her. Her eyes widen. Just as panic is about to set in, Shad0 drifts quietly onto the stage.>

SHAD0: Sorry to interrupt, Rani, but I'm going to pull rank on you as the author. Call me selfish, but I just can't bring myself to let you have all the fun.

<Rani begins to float over the heads of the audience, landing gently in an unoccupied seat. She looks rather nervous, but remains silent. The host steps up to Shad0.>

HOST: Listen, I'm sorry we had to play you off before, but you can't just barge in here and--

<Shad0 waves his hand. The host disintegrates into a pile of dust wearing a bow tie.>

SHAD0: I've always wanted to do that.

<In the balcony:>

STATLORF: Too bad he didn't do it before the show started!

<He laughs hysterically. Walder does not.>

WALDER: Err...You know, I kind of get the feeling that maybe we should be quiet for a while.

STATLORF: ...Good idea.

<Back on the stage:>

SHAD0: These are some of my favorite awards...which, of course, is why they're last. They are a tribute to both the creators of I Love Bees and the Beekeepers who made it the extraordinary experience it was. Getting up early to run out to that payphone by the airport...driving 75 miles to try to nail the elusive recipe3 axon that was giving everyone nightmares...spending hours on the computer on Tuesdays with my door shut, banging my head against the keyboard in frustration and hoping against hope that no one else would knock and ask me to do something productive instead...You've all been there. Well, these were our rewards. The nominees for Best Moment in a Live Call are:

    Gemini singing "Stairway to Heaven," followed by Melissa asking "Why do you like that song?";
    The "Amazing Grace" duet between hmrpita and Melissa;
    hmrpita rescuing the Sleeping Princess
    Kristen Rutherford typing "See, I told you they'd ask about SPDR's version number!" loudly enough for Trynian to hear it over the phone; and
    The Sleeping Princess asking, "Which is the enemy of mankind, crunchy peanut butter or smooth peanut butter? ... I'm sorry, ironchefmike, the answer is hippopotamus."

And the ILBy goes to...The Sleeping Princess, for peanut butter and hippopotami!

<Applause.>



SHAD0: The creators of "I Love Bees" had this astounding ability to make us laugh or cry, feel delight or despair. It's simply amazing how attached you can become to fictional characters, once you accept that "This Is Not A Game." (You know what I'm talking about, right, weephun?) We'd spend hours -- no, days, even weeks -- debating the comparative morality of various courses of action, arguing about who was a "good guy" and who was a "bad guy," whom we should help and whom we should hinder. And things didn't always turn out the way we hoped they would. The nominees for Most Traumatic Game Moment are:

    Melissa's first capture of the Sleeping Princess;
    Thin Kinkle murdering James James; and
    Melissa's recapture and apparent destruction of the Sleeping Princess.

And in a very close vote, the ILBy goes to...Thin Kinkle killing James James!

<Applause. In the audience, Thin and James high-five each other.>

SHAD0: Our master storytellers took us from the depths of despair to the heights of exhilaration. The nominees for Happiest Game Moment are:
    Becoming a crew member;
    Being named as a friend of the Sleeping Princess;
    Rescuing the Sleeping Princess the first time;
    Learning the Sleeping Princess was still alive after her apparent destruction; and
    Melissa's final farewell.

And the ILBy goes to...Becoming a crew member!

<Applause.>

DURGA (voice only): You're welcome.

SHAD0: I hope you've been enjoying reliving the .wav clips as much as I have throughout this presentation. (I also hope you used the links to hear the actual clips, and not just the partial transcriptions. If you didn't, go ahead and do it now. They're worth hearing again. Don't worry, we'll wait for you.) To recap, the nominees for Best Scene in a Recorded .wav File are:
    Chicken Dinner (Kamal, week #3);
    The Audit (Jersey, week #4);
    Immensely Powerful Dispenser (Jersey, week #8 );
    Fiancee (Kamal, week #12); and
    Melissa's farewell.

And the ILBy goes to...of course, it's Melissa's farewell.

<Tremendous applause. The ushers pass around the tissues again.>



SHAD0: This brings us to our final award: All-Around Favorite Beekeeper. I have to join angelo in saying what an incredible honor it was to be included as a nominee in this category. Angelo. Rose. Thebruce. Vpisteve. Cherry Cotton. Hmrpita. Ariock. DarkForge. Nova. Phaedra. Krystyn. HitsHerMark. Just some of the giants of the entire "I Love Bees" experience. And I have to echo something Durga said earlier: if it were up to me, this award would be one big tie. Not just for these nominees, but for the dozens more who devoted their minds, hearts, and lives to ILB and made it what it was.

Still, someone has to win. And you know, for all the complaining that everyone did about how hard it was going to be to choose just one person to vote for, I have to say that, in the end, it wasn't even close. It is my very great pleasure to announce that, by a sizable margin, the ILBy goes to...

Spoiler (Rollover to View):
krystyn!
(Go Chicago Beekeepers!)

<More applause than you would think possible.>

SHAD0: And that, regretfully, brings our presentation to a close. I hope you've enjoyed this little blast of nostalgia as much as I have. One last time, I want to thank 4orty2wo Entertainment and all the incredible writing and vocal talents that made ILB possible. And I want to thank all of you for making ILB one of the best experiences I've ever had. Good bye, and I'll see you all for the next one!

<As applause swells one final time, the orchestra plays Green Day's "Time of Your Life":>

Quote:
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.




<FADE OUT>
_________________
These were the puzzles that would take a day, these were puzzles that would take a week, and these puzzles they'd probably never figure out until we broke down and gave them the answers. ... The Cloudmakers solved all of these puzzles on the first day.

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 7:59 am
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rose
...and then Magic happens


Joined: 26 Nov 2003
Posts: 4117

 		thanks shad0 l
woah - just reading this last part brought tears to my eyes, again, Melissa's farewell - how absolutely perfect was that.

And krystyn: singing for Melissa and making your great pictures, you were the funniest and the favorite. You rock.
----
I missed this one before - bagsbee sorry you lost by one vote. Singing by the Staten Island Ferry, running around to answer all those phones, dude you deserve an reward! You were (are) the best NYC beekeeper. The ARGFest-o-con folks will find some way to award you for that. Smile
---
Shad0, we love you.
_________________
I love this site for being free, in every sense of the word~Spacebass

Mankind was my business, the common good was my business.~ Dickens

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 8:27 am
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angelo
Unfettered

Joined: 08 Sep 2004
Posts: 694

 		CONGRATULATIONS KRYSTYN!!!!!!

AND THE REST OF THE AWARD RECIPIENTS!

Shad0 thank you for taking your time and effort and crafting such a wonderful cermony for us to enjoy.
_________________
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Bored?
http://angelorambles.blogspot.com

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 10:54 am
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aliendial
Unfictologist


Joined: 29 Sep 2002
Posts: 3438
Location: Far Far Away. Nowhere Near You. Really.

 		Great show, Shad0! Well worth the wait, and a nice reminder of the fun we all had. <grabs a hankie after listening to Melissa's farewell>

The trophy will look lovely on the roof, if I can persuade the homeowner's association that it's just a fancy DishTV installation. Smile
_________________
aliendial

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 11:02 am
Last edited by aliendial on Sun Apr 17, 2005 10:35 am; edited 1 time in total
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krystyn
I Never Tire of My Own Voice


Joined: 26 Sep 2002
Posts: 3651
Location: Is not Chicago

 		/me does a shot of breath spray before running up to the stage and dipping Shad0 in a big smooch.

</brody>




Like, whoah. Thanks!
I think I need to put some jetpacks here, now!

Jetpack Jetpack Jetpack Jetpack Jetpack Jetpack

Man. Embarassed

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 2:35 pm
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Nova
Unfettered


Joined: 11 Aug 2004
Posts: 529
Location: Frog blasting the vent core

 		<applause>

This thread gets 10/10. Very Happy
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***END MESSAGE***

***JUMP PAD ACTIVATION INITIATION START***
***TRANSPORT WHEN READY***

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:03 pm
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johnny5
Entrenched

Joined: 17 Aug 2004
Posts: 995
Location: Elysian Fields

 		Great work Shad0!

And congratulations to all the winners!

PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 12:24 pm
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CoffeeJedi
Unfictologist


Joined: 27 Jul 2004
Posts: 1327
Location: Charlotte NC, USA

 		after i see a great awards show i do this: Worshippy

after i listen to Melissa's farewell again i do this: Crying or Very sad
_________________
seeker > !seek canoe
!splotch

PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:09 pm
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Tar Ecthelion
Veteran

Joined: 31 Aug 2004
Posts: 86
Location: Manteca CA

 		Re: [META] The ILBies!
Simply Awesome. Thank you again, the trip down mem. lane was... "slow leaks in the vicinity of their eyelids"

Thank you,
-Tar
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"Not all who wander are lost"

PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 6:24 pm
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Anton P. Nym
Unfettered


Joined: 25 Jul 2004
Posts: 550
Location: London, Canada

 		Hearty, if tardy, congratulations on the ILBies! A truly great thread.

-- Steve thanks everyone who participated... it made for great reading.
_________________
Dr.Prof. Anton P. Nym
Chief Bungiologist
Institute for Advanced ILB Research
Fireflies Wiki contributor. Sorta.
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 6:50 pm
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Phaedra
Lurker v2.0


Joined: 21 Sep 2004
Posts: 4033
Location: Here, obviously

 		Thank you, Shad0, for such a clever, funny, and moving tribute to ILB. It really brought back memories.

Congrats to everyone who won an award -- you all deserved it. Come to think of it, so did the nominees. Smile

Krystyn, what can I say, you are our Queen Bee! Very Happy *hugs* You completely deserve it.

Thank you for voting me "Most Likely to Thread-Jack." I was a little worried Melissa might get that one. Razz

And thank you, as well, to whomever nominated me for "Most Patient Explainer." I'm assuming that that must have been a write-in, since I don't remember it as a category in the original post. I'm very touched that whomever that was thought of me, and that s/he didn't just see my posts as (how did Ozy put it? Oh yes..) "pontificating." Razz

[quote="Shad0"]Angelo. Rose. Thebruce. Vpisteve. Cherry Cotton. Hmrpita. Ariock. DarkForge. Nova. Phaedra. Krystyn. HitsHerMark. [Shad0.] Just some of the giants of the entire "I Love Bees" experience."

"Giants"? <stretches self up to full 5'4 3/4".

Seriously, I couldn't have said it better. That's some mighty impressive company.

And there are so many people that aren't in that list that made the experience amazing. Love you all, and thank you for making ILB what it was.

Shad0, you rock. Very Happy This whole thread was incredible.
_________________
Voted Most Likely to Thread-Jack and Most Patient Explainer in the ILoveBees Awards.

World Champion: Cruel 2B Kind

PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 12:13 am
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HitsHerMark
Unfictologist


Joined: 22 Aug 2004
Posts: 1521
Location: Austin, TX
Phaedra wrote:

Shad0 wrote:
Angelo. Rose. Thebruce. Vpisteve. Cherry Cotton. Hmrpita. Ariock. DarkForge. Nova. Phaedra. Krystyn. HitsHerMark. [/quote.] Just some of the giants of the entire "I Love Bees" experience."

"Giants"? <stretches self up to full 5'4 3/4".


Taller then me... Even in shoes.

Quote:

Seriously, I couldn't have said it better. That's some mighty impressive company.

And there are so many people that aren't in that list that made the experience amazing. Love you all, and thank you for making ILB what it was.


Ditto. Embarassed

I think we should big Shad0 an ILBie for "bet award show presenter!


_________________
"COVERED IN BEES!"
GirlInFocus
flickr

PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 2:01 am
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