View topic - Email Phyllis reflecting on Sarah, Iris and JD

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Forum index » Archive » Archive: Chasing the Wish » CTW: Interaction

Email Phyllis reflecting on Sarah, Iris and JD

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Sunny du Pree
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Joined: 01 Jan 2003
Posts: 636
Location: Push, Nevada

Email Phyllis reflecting on Sarah, Iris and JD

My Dear Friend,
I am sorry I haven't written to you. I've indulged in a bit of time on the pity pot before picking myself back up. Iris has withdrawn from me because of the mask. She doesn't want me to work with her. She keeps harping, rather spitefully, on the idea that she's endangering me. She and James went off to the Library last night after she insisted that I stay "safe at home" as though this house is the safest place in town. Ha! It hurt my feelings a bit and I just swirled down into feeling badly about all sort of things, starting with Sarah.

When I dwell on the fact that I "erased" her work in this house, I am filled
with regret and remorse. After shedding a few tears, I got myself up, fetched some turpentine and an old rag, and tried to see if I could cut through the paint on an entertainment room wall. Hours later, much exhausted, I had succeeded in exposing only a small circle of the artwork underneath. Somewhat intoxicated by the fumes, I staggered up to bed and thought about all the months of days it would take me to restore the whole room.

My mind seemed to fly off into the stratosphere and I looked down on the world turning below. I saw little sparks where the manuscript pages had been in Europe, where the red disc is in the Midwest, the mask in the Northeast, the wand over Chicago way, a spark where the stone is with you and other sparks scattered everywhere, things she touched, things she made and bestowed with her special magic. It's as though she's been dissipated around the world until there's no evidence left of her anywhere. And yet, I realized that everywhere there is a spark of her, she has brought transformation. She has touched lives, yours and mine and so many others. Our very perceptions of the world have been
altered. We've been challenged to question the meaning of our lives, what we really believe and feel, to confront some compelling truth in our hearts. For some of us it has brought a kind of enlightenment and for others, madness. The apprehension of divine knowledge is both a blessing and a curse; it can be good or bad depending on how you receive it and what you do about it.

I looked at Iris, Chris and James around the breakfast table this morning and thought, they are going to leave me. Not now, today, but when this is all resolved, one way or another, I will be alone in this monstrous house, going batty from turpentine fumes. Douglas will not come home for lunch or in the evenings the way he used to do. I don't miss the way he was in these last months but before that I thought I was happy. I was in a world where I thought I knew what was real; I had comfort and the illusion of safety. All of my delusions have been shattered and I have been awakened to the realization that there is real evil in the world. Its equal opposite means there must be manifest Goodness. The things I have seen and experienced are enough to make you believe in all kinds of possibilities like the Devil Incarnate being downtown making a deal with our Mayor. LOL!

So today, I've been cleaning house, falling into a routine that is old and
familiar to me. The place hasn't had a good clean since before Douglas died. I've thought about his involvement with the Don, how he appears to have been the Don's unquestioning servant and tied into some kind of supernatural weirdness. Did I ever know him at all? Was it all a charade, all of it? Did he ever have any feelings for me?

It makes me question everything else I've ever learned or thought. Why am I so fascinated with antiques and the past? Why on earth did we come to Aglaura? And where, oh where, do I fit into this strange new world in which I find myself? Whatever am I going to do and be in the years that stretch like a dizzying wasteland before me? I don't know. I want all of this to be over and for some kind of normalcy to return whatever normal is a world where light and dark is at war.

Pat is holding a big Press Conference this afternoon at the Municipal Building and I tempted to go down there and hear first-hand just what is making him so happy. Yes, I think I'm going down there right now.

Love,
Phyllis

_________________
Grace and Peace
Sunny Du Pree
I dreamed a dream and now that dream has come for me

Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2003 5:05 pm

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