unforum

[Mikeyj]

"21 hours?...but that's ages!" Georgina looked round at Seth coyly, "let's waste some more time."

Seth grinned vacantly, his tiny mind slowly processing the fact that the preceding sentence was good.

[An Aside] Sorry Snowball...it's a male insecurity thing. I had to make him thick.

"Dur..OK"

Several minutes later they surfaced for air.

"Dur...dat doesn't usually happpen?"

[another aside] and suffer from erectile dysfunction

Georgina sighed and pushed Seth away. Getting up and dusting herself down, she looked in her bag for a mirror. "Seth, I need your help" She said to Seth looking the other way so as not to embarass him further" I've had such a terrible day. First I played a virtual reality game with an impenetrable plot and thin characterisation, then I received a bizarre note containing wild conspiracy theories, and then I was blackmailed by a father-rubikscuberising trenchcoat-sporting dominatrix called Ellen..." She paused to apply cerise lipgloss.

"...What's going on?"

she turned and to her horror, saw Seth was

[Commo]

dead.

[number9dream]

and even as she watched Seth's still body, she could smell a terrible odour, of brimstone and overcooked cabbage. His body began to burn from within as Georgina realised that Seth was paying the ultimate proce for his failure in the (hay)s(t)ack....he was descending into hell, perhaps even for a bottle of milk. As she looked on, almost fainting with the dreadful sight, she noticed a strange new phenomenon - out of the ashes of Seth's wasted body was rising a new, humanoid shape. It grew by the minute until she could make out the features of this apparition, it was someone she recognised well.

Georgina was still feeling a sense of loss that her former lover Seth had failed in his attempts to satisfy her desparate lusts, but all that was now forgotten. Standing in front of her was the one man whose poster on her bedroom wall had always set her heart fluttering....George Michael. This was turning out to be quite a strange day. She dived on top of him

[chippy]

"Please!" George Michael squealed, "please! Lets go outside, In the sunshine! I know you want to but you can't say yes....but, but, you have to!, you see, I... I... I... but the boys..." he was quite shaken, and of course, unshaven.

"So my angel" Georgina said "don't you worry" She could feel her dreams coming true. this must be insanity!

"And the game that you gave away
Wasn't worth playing" she sarted to sing, oh how the song made sense, oh how little sense it was making.

Oh Seth!! Why?? Has he really been dragged down to the depths of hell? And all for the sin that our love became.

Mr Michael, bemused, when finally outside, in the sunshine, took this opportunity to peel himself from the traumatised girl, and ran off, down the hill in the direction of the wooded copse. He thought as he ran,
"I think I'm done with the sofa, I think I'm done with the hall, I think I'm done with the kitchen table, and I think I'm finally done with the cow shed and screwed up female fans on farms!"

He entered the Woods

[European Chris]

Tiger and James were quite suprised by this.

[Gibbet]

Tiger dropped his trousers.

But it was ok because they were only his spare pair. He always had two pairs on him, just in case he got a hole in one!

[ryandrew]

James Woods, getting tired of the dodgy puns and awkward jokes that were flying through the air, decided to pop out of existence. Georgina decided not to question this strange occurence. She thought it best to leave Tiger and George well alone, before she died from an overdose of surrealism.
She headed back to

[specterz]

the square where she had first seen Ellen, hoping to find some clues, to make some sense of all this madness. Was Seth really who she had believed him to be, nd if so, why had he so mysteriously changed into George Micheal? Had her obese body turned him into the gayest thing imaginable? Did he have something to do with Ellen, her Rubiks Cube-father, or the mysterious quest she was supposed to undertake but had no idea what it was?
The square looked empty at first glance, but from behind a pillar appeared the black man she had seen in the VR-game and outside her house.
He still wasn't wearing any pants, but the velvet purple underwear looked comfy.
"I know your former lover Seth has you confused", he said, "but fear not! I have come to explain everything while at the same time make everything that much more complicated!"
Georgina looekd at him blankly.
"You only have 10 hours left to un-rubikscube our father, you know, so maybe you should stop chasing around celebrities and listen to me for a change!"

[chichiri]

OK! there is to be a syzygy in one hour, at the precise time of the syzygy, you must enter the password 'yi istia' on this cube like thingamajigamy-doohickey I found in that uber jealous sheep I shot coz it was driving me nuts.

Upon doing this, you should be transported to an enormous digging machine which you can use to get to my nifty nuke stash under clapham common, then you need to...

[perplexed]

Push the purple button"

Georgina sighed morosely, her ephemeral hopes drifting away amidst the very solid realisations that she seemed to be falling into somekind of depraved insanity. Worrying she was becoming severely unhinged Georgina endeavoured to imagine the man was not there, and begun to hum a low melody while at the same time placing her carefully manicured fincers firmly into the delicate curves of her inner ear.

The man continued to speak.

Georgina remained impassive, while slowly raising her melody to a loud whistle and turning the depraved rantings of the lunatic into a delightfully soporiphic susserus. Georgina smiled inwardly, safe in the knowledge that she had prevented the progression of her insanity.

[boim]

Which was why she jumped so much when the hand came down on her shoulder.

"Ellen, what are you doing here?" gasped Georgina.

"Well I had to come back and try and get you to do something to help your poor father" Ellen said with more than a trace of exasperation.

"Now you need to follow the train track to where it ends under the bridge and wait there for the man you met in the shadows earlier"

[POTUS]

Georgina knew the tracks well. As a child she had walked along them many-a-time in search of adventure. She did anything to escape the smothering, insipid and patronizing relationship that was her father.

He had abandoned her as a child and pursued a life of dealing illegal drugs. After nearly a year he came to reclaim her, but he forced her to live in a pantry with no heat or windows. She was not allowed to make friends, so the walks in the woods were all she had. She was never convinced that this man was her true father anyway. Now, with all her new friends dead, the woods were all she had.

She hurried down the gravel cul-de-sac where he had almost 'accidently' killed her all those years ago and ran into the wheat field towards the woods. That man was truly an evil genius. When she had passed through the stand and came to the railline she paused momentarily in wondering which way to go - Southwest or Northeast? Which way would they expect her to go - she thought? . . . One thought popped into her mind: Crazy Ivan !

[Scott]

"Great Cesar's Ghost! Do you need a leash or something? Maybe a steel tether?" Ellen stood before her. Georgina must have been lost in delirious thought so deep she did not notice Ellen following. "You know, I suppose you probably thought I was a jerk when you first met me. Which, I suppose, I was. I had *thought* by stunning you with impacted statements you might get a sense of urgency, or perhaps become really focused on the situation at hand." Ellen looked rather upset. "But you? Focused? Not at all!! Every 5 minutes it's either bleary eyed day dreams or rampant sex! Honestly! What goes on in your crazy little world!?"

[perplexed]

Georgina felt a sudden compunction to hit Ellen, a multitude of voices filled her head and she couldn't decide which one to follow, Ellen's words seemed to be drowned out by the clamourous cacophany of dispariging and derogatory voices that filled her mind. Georgina tried to shake these thoughts from her mind, both literally and metaphorically, while again attempting to drown out the noise of life with a low and monotonous hum.

To an observer this site would have proved extremely disturbing, Georgina slowly rocking backwards and forward, shaking her head and droning constantly, resemling both her crazed mother, who was now under the none too judicious guidance of the institute for the clinically insane (whether this title refered to the patients or staff was highly ambiguous) and her deranged father whose violent upbringing had caused a certain dispensation towards the cruel and sadistic.

[Mikeyj]

"NggggH" Georgina moaned trying to keep the contents of her head on the inside, rather than technicolour pebbledashing the floor.

This was all wrong, nothing today had made any sense. How could her father be a Rubik's cube? Why was Ellen so self-contradictory?

The world around her began to blur, the trees loomed and twisted, Ellen's slightly smug smile slipped and melted from her face, like a cheap candle during an extended blackout.

"What are you doing!?" Ellen snarled

"01001110011011110111010001101000011010010110111001100111?"

The world lurched and seemed to be jerked up and away from them as water splashed on their poster paint world.

Georgina blacked out.

She was woken to the sound of enthusiastic voices speaking what sounded like nonsense

"Ashay anyoneway iedtray ottingray? Ookslay ikelay
obbledygookgay!" Cried a man in a stained bed-sheet

"At'sthay ootay implesay, andway atwhay ouldway allway ethay
arrowsway ebay?...ooklay, ifway ouyay aylay itway outway ikelay
isthay itway ookslay ikelay away ubecay." replied another similarly attired, in what she now recognised was a toga with roast dormouse smeared down it.

"Efungebay!" Hollered a third, in a geeky gray toga.

This seems to be some sort of forum, georgina thought to herself, collecting her wits. But how could that be? It's not real. An Unforum?