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Forum index » Archive » Archive: General » ARG: Who Is Benjamin Stove

[UPDATE] Blog post from 4/4

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addlepated
Unfictologist

Joined: 17 Aug 2003
Posts: 1885
Location: Austin, Texas

[UPDATE] Blog post from 4/4

Since the site's down I'll post the entry here:

Quote:

Well, with all the craziness and uncertainty that's been going on in my life lately, you can take comfort in one irrefutable fact, my friends: Tucker Darby's not gonna starve to death any time soon! Within the last 72 hours, I've eaten:

17 waffles, homemade, with butter and maple syrup

4.5 grilled cheese sandwiches, with tomato

1.5 quarts of baked beans

2 quarts of vegetable beef soup

2 loaves of homemade rosemary bread

approx. 2 lbs. of pot roast

1.5 quarts mashed potatoes and gravy

an entire corn casserole

one 6-oz. bag salt-n-vinegar potato chips

a homemade Dutch apple pie

two pints of vanilla bean ice cream

approx. 8 oz. homemade cranberry-walnut fudge

one truck-stop beef jerky and a pickled egg (as debunkette now knows, I just can't resist a good dare)

um, like, a beer, or maybe two

oh, and BTW, if you wanna try any of the dishes in bold for yourself, click here for the recipes
So, I'm sitting here in a fantabulously remodeled kitchen in Newton, Iowa (no nauseating wallpaper, yay!), attempting to reconstruct the events of these past few days, in between feedings by a very glad and gracious lady who is making up for all the lost weeks she's been unable to cook. Boy, is she making up for it! Luckily, this is a written report though, not an oral one, so you should hardly even notice the burping.

Debunkette got it pretty darn close in her as-told-to account, even though I must've been yammering on like a hyperactive kid to a mall Santa. Deb, your ability to sift the facts out of a muddled mess of spluttering emotions remains top-notch. Anyway, Reptile Queen, er, I mean, my "girlfriend" and I left Chicago early Wednesday morning, and stopped in Jonesboro around lunchtime, right after we, ahem, "missed" the turn for Nashville.

Oops! Sowwy! *eyelashes flutter*

Then she says what the heck, let's just keep going with this "happy little accident" and visit Memphis for a night! Yippee! She said I was looking all "hot" and "rock-n-roll" in my leather jacket, and she took it as a sign that Memphis would be the perfect place to make a little "pit stop," haw haw haw. Well, who was I to deny her a "pit stop" if she needed one, and I didn't really find her request all that implausible, since I do look pretty rad in that jacket. (Ladies, am I right or what? And yes, I'm single now.) I'm sure when my Mom reads this, she will point out that I should have known right then, that any girl who'd use a term like "pit stop" in that context isn't a nice girl, and not for me, so I'll beat her to the punch. But I digress...

We get into Memphis, and The Fanged One pulls over at a gas station, hands me her credit card, and asks if I can fill up while she goes over where it's "quiet" to call her uncle about something. I ask her if everything's okay, she says it's fine, she just needs to call him to ask about one of the features of her new car. I tell her I can just look it up in the manual, but she's very insistent on calling him. Oookay. I fill up, then decide to go into the store to get a soda. She's over on the side of the building, talking on the phone with her back to me, so I sort of "sneak" around in this exaggerated, oh-so-adorable way to "scare" her (it's sort of a "bit" we do, um, did), and when I get within a few feet I hear her say, "No, I did that already, I don't think he'll buy the missed turn excuse again. I don't know how long I can distract him from home or Benjamin without him getting suspicious!"

Then she turns as she says this, sees me, and freezes for a second. My stomach drops. We're both looking at each other in this odd little moment. I heard her, and from the look in her eyes, I think she knows I heard her. Am I giving it away with the look in my eyes? So I smile and say, "Is everything okay?" I'm trying to keep my knees from wobbling.

"Yeah, fine, I'll just be a second."

"Okay, well I'm gonna go in and get a soda. I'll meet you back in the car." I turn, then, "Tell your uncle I said thanks again!" Man, I am so overselling it. She's gotta know I heard her now. My heart is pounding and I want to break into a run, but I just walk around to the front of the building and look around. There's a bunch of tourists getting back on a big bus around the other side of the building, so I just wander over there and try to sort of blend in and hide until I can figure out what to do. I take off my leather jacket. People are filing on and the big amorphous mass of people is getting smaller and smaller, more and more difficult to hide behind. Finally, everybody's on and I'm standing in front of the door, trying to figure out where to hide next, when the bus driver says, "Are you getting on, sir?" So I hop on.

The bus sits there for what seems like forever, while the tour guide has everybody count a number out loud. I just sit as far down in my seat as possible, trying not to be visible from the outside. I see an area behind the dumpster where I can cower until I figure out what to do next, when I get booted off this bus in 48...49...50...

"51!" I hear myself shouting out, my voice almost cracking. I shut my eyes for what seems like an eternity before "52!" is bellowed from behind me. After the count is done, the bus pulls out. OMG, I'm actually getting away with this. I peer out the window and see Her Scaliness running around her car, looking for me. Ack! I left ALL MY STUFF, including my laptop, in her car! Oh well, at least I escaped. I crouch back down in my seat and silently thank the poor, anonymous bastard who's now stranded at that crappy gas station and not on the way to...

Oh. My. Gosh. Graceland?! Are they f'ing kidding me? This is so surreal. We get off the bus and I'm looking around for someplace else to go, when it hits me...why not? It's almost too obvious, They'd probably never think to actually look for me there! Yes! Then I realize I've got no money...but I do still have The Succubus' credit card in my pocket. Before I can decide whether this idea is genius or the stupidest thing I've ever done, I'm buying a ticket, shelling out the eight extra bucks for the "platinum" tour, since it has access to more attractions/hiding places.

I spend over an hour there, gawking at all The King's random crap, wondering if my Random Crap will ever be behind glass like this, wondering how that jumpsuit would look on me, and pretty soon, I'm almost having a good time, almost sorta forgetting about Girlfriend-Who-Hatched-From-An-Egg and the minions of Who-Knows-Whats she's now alerting to my escaped status, who will surely be gathered outside the gates in armored vehicles and black helicopters. I'm zoning out on the grave, pondering the whole "Aron/Aaron" thing and feeling all tin-foil-hatty that maybe he's not really even buried there, when I'm informed that the museum is closing. I think back to when I went to the Museum of Science and Industry with her, and suddenly I snap back to reality.

I go outside, again, trying to blend in. There are a couple of other guys with leather jackets, and I again thank some unseen presence for my incredible luck at the appearance of these Tucker decoys. And I don't see any black helicopters. I grab a cab and tell the cabbie to take me to the cheapest, most out of the way hotel in town. Okay, for future reference for all you travelers out there, if you ever find yourself stranded in a strange town, these are not the best criteria for finding lodging. At least tell the guy to take you to the second cheapest, most out of the way hotel in town. The kind that comes with soap and toilet paper in the bathroom. The kind that doesn't smell like it's constructed from recycled odor-eaters. The kind where you don't have to wear flip-flops in the shower ($2.99--luckily there was a drugstore on the way to the hotel, where I stopped at the suggestion of my kind and podiatrically-minded cabbie, and which also gives cash back with a pin number, which happened to be Ol' Forky Tongue's birthday--clearly she's just a pawn and not the mastermind behind Operation Distract Tucker.)

I couldn't find a charger that worked with my phone, but I did pick up a calling card, which I used to try to call my Mom a couple more times. I left her a couple of frantic voicemails, but I didn't feel safe leaving her my complete location without actually talking to her. (Mom, I'm calling your phone company tomorrow. You're getting DSL. I'll explain what it is later. Happy Easter!)

Wednesday night, I finally get to sleep, wrapped in my leather jacket as an extra layer of germ protection, waking up with every little noise outside. I end up just hiding out in the hotel room the whole next day, too freaked out to really go anywhere. I look in the yellow pages, trying to find a place nearby where my Mom could wire me some money, but realize I'd be way too out in the open, sitting around waiting for the money to come through. I'm too paranoid to go anywhere, really.

Friday morning, I realize this is ridiculous, I have to get out and try to get home. There was a library on the bus line not too far from where I was staying, so I was able to log in and send a private message to Debunkette. The rest, as they say, is history.

And yes, I really was "choked up," as Deb said, to hear that all you guys were so concerned for my welfare. I really appreciate you guys helping me get back home, especially Cavalos (I owe you a non-metaphorical beer when I get back to Florida, buddy!)

So, after hibernating in my old room for like a hundred years, I see that Ol' Benny's posted a manifesto! Man, he finally figures it all out, and I'm holed up in a rat-infested pit the whole time! (Okay, technically I didn't see any rats, but I think it's because they all fled from the giant roaches.) And then...this really cracked me up...GM actually responded! Good for Benjamin. I emailed him my congratulations, but haven't heard back from him, although I imagine he'll have something to say about it on his site soon...

Anyway, I'm just gonna chill here in Iowa for a few more days before going home to my empty fridge. I'll check in when I can (hopefully the DSL guy will be here soon), and I'll try to post a Thursday update, hopefully after we hear from Benjamin.

And now if you'll excuse me, there's some fudge that's calling my name...

_________________
Give a man a match, and he is warm for a night. Light a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.

Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 2:45 am

Cavalos
Boot

Joined: 04 Feb 2006
Posts: 47
Location: Adrift off the Islets of Langerhans

Hmm... WIBS is down, debunkette.com is down, and SitC is down. What gives?

Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 3:02 am

Mikkel
Kilroy

Joined: 05 Apr 2006
Posts: 2

Cavalos wrote:

Hmm... WIBS is down, debunkette.com is down, and SitC is down. What gives?

It might mean that the game is over, but I think that it's just that all the related sites are kept on the same server and it's down.
Anyway it served to make me look for you and finding this place.
WIBS has been my first ARG but certainly not my last Razz

Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 3:49 am

elle_01
Kilroy

Joined: 05 Apr 2006
Posts: 1

i hope you are right!

Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 11:07 am

rowan
Unfictologist

Joined: 12 Apr 2004
Posts: 1966

The sites are back up now - see, just a minor glitch Very Happy

_________________
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Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 11:17 am

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