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Unfiction Needs Your Help!
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SpaceBass
The BADministrator


Joined: 20 Sep 2002
Posts: 2701
Location: pellucidar

 		 Unfiction Needs Your Help!
Unfiction needs your help
Alternate Title: The Gettysburg Abscess


Once upon a time, in a far off, granola-spackled land, lived a small boy who loved computers, machines, the internets and things that go tick-tock. "TICK!" he would say, all smiles, and then immediately parrot back to himself "TOCK!" He was a simple boy. And a small one. This small simple boy called himself Peppi, a short version of his real name, Geppetto, which he was unable to pronounce until age 21, due to an extremely rare condition called Tongulous maximus, which means he has a really huge tongue. This works in his favor shortly I promise, though you might have to read between the lines. Anyhow, Peppi's parents abandoned him at a young age, leaving him to wander the forests and plains, soliciting strange men and playing with the other boys (who had big Nintendo DS systems) and eat snackie cakes (mmmm snackie cakes) filled with delicious whiteness.

One fine day as Peppi was prancing about in his pink heeled boots and pretty flippy ponytail, he tripped on his pointy toe and fell headfirst into a rabbit hole! Oh noes! Only this wasn't just any rabbit hole – This was the deepest, longest, darkest, most amazingly lifelike hole Peppi had ever entered. It was like an entirely different world! Even the people looked different! All robotic n' shiznit and alternative and intelligent and goth and wotnot and sweeeeeeet!

Unfortunately, heeled pink booties are not the best footwear for exploring alternate realities, as alternate realities are part of the imaginary realm of the patron saint of quality footwear, and hence, the people only wear Birkenstocks and Danskos because the realities are also part of the imaginary realm of the patron saint of quality foothills and craggy dikes. The Dutch kind. But anyways, as he was partially hungover and stoned from his previous night of debauchery, tipsy on his tippytoes like a fat ballerina, Peppi broke his leg when he fell. Since Peppi's parents abandoned him long ago, and because the streets offer no insurance, Peppi had no way to get to the hospital so a doctor could stick that 3" chunk of femur protruding from his pale flesh back inside, and so he died a painful death by gangrene, which slowly coursed its festering bacterial goo through his little Peppi veins, while the little rabbits, and rats, and AIs, and everything else in the alternate reality picked his bones clean like he were some finger-lickin' good KFC. Mmmm KFC.

The Moral of the Story: Don't let uF end up like Peppi. Give us a hand – we need your insurance policy numbers and loving familial support. Or, you can just pretend uF is that strange toothless person who shakes that rattling McDonald's cup at you every morning from behind the cardboard sign that says something like "Please Help" – only uF's sign says "Hostless – Please Help" and you're actually giving it eye contact.

No, really.

HEY!


FAQ

What the hell is that story about and what does it have to do with uF?

It is plainly about Peppi, the simple boy from granola-land. Did you even read it? Jebus. We're not doing this for our health, you know!

Okay. Whatever. But that didn't answer my other question.

You only get one question per question; those are the rules. And that wasn't even a question!

Fine. So ANYWAY, how much does it cost to run this site?

Up until the recent upgrades, just a few several thousand dollars [$1Kn] per year. However, the recent growth has increased costs substantially to a few more several thousand dollars [$1Kn * n] per year, and we expect them to keep rising. Because we are so poopular. Dammit.

How have you been paying for it so far?

For the first couple of years, SpaceBass just paid for it all himself. When I Love Bees hit, we were forced to upgrade to keep up with the traffic. At that point, SpaceBass started asking for donations and added the link at the bottom of the forum pages. Over the past two years, we've received enough to cover about forty percent of the hosting costs for the forums. Unfortunately, that's not going to be enough anymore and ScarpeGrosse has a severe case of pole-rash and has to take a break from the dancing, which means we're a little short for this month's rent.

What's in it for me?

Unfiction offers features to satisfy everyone! And new features are added daily, if by features one means to say "posts." Also, many ways are provided to make it easier to find those "posts," including proper organization, anal-retentive moderation, and advanced Search technology! Plus, free spam deletion! Unfiction is for everyone, players and puppetmasters and both and neither! Look! You hear that? Unfiction purrs when you stroke it gently.

Um, okay then. How can I help?

So glad you asked! There are a number of ways you can help. Most of them are relatively painless, according to our unscientific Study of The Matter (Note to Self: remember to register UnscientificStudy.com) conducted by our unscientific Scientist (Note to Self: ask him to call us after his CNN interview). Sadly none of these "ways" are currently available and you may also experience slight delays or settling during shipping, and in rare but serious cases, severe diarrhea.

Seriously though, if you want to help, you could make a donation now, using the badge at the top of the page. If you're interested in donating but can't afford it right this minute, we'll be setting up a mailing list where you can sign up with your future pledge, and receive periodic but courteous reminders which you may or may not act upon, and which may or may not contain small puzzle games or trace amounts of benzene. And if you can't donate at all, hey, that's okay too. We're not made of money either.

In order to fully recognize the people who are helping to keep uF around for everyone to enjoy, we've added a page listing all of the donors who have contributed to Unfiction over the years, and will keep adding to it as donations roll in. uF benefactors will receive recognition in the Announcement Box as Weekly Sponsors for each multiple of $100 donated.

Well, I was going to donate but isn't it kind of presumptuous of you to ask me to give you money to support your hobby?

Er, well, yeah, we don't really like asking anyway. It's just that we kind of have to. We could use your help while we work on ways for Unfiction to pay for itself. All donations go directly towards the cost of running the forums.

Regardless, it's not just our hobby, it's yours too. And yours, and yours, or you might not even be here right now. But you, it's not yours, you just lurk and poach good domain names and write books about how much we suck and are mean to you and post links to your projects and press about them like this site is your personal advertising board. You can visit Peppi. The rest of you though, yeah, you're pretty cool. And we have the same hobby! Trepanation.

Like what ''ways" are you working on?

We've got a few ideas that we'll start announcing in the next couple of weeks. One of them was to begin offering uF-branded merchandise, which is already available. These wonderful items make great gifts at birthday parties, bar and bat mitzvahs, and as freebie giveaways at the funerals of random strangers. (Please remember to be courteous when offering freebie giveaways, and always demand proper identification. These are not the droids you're looking for.)

Why don't you just start charging for access or plaster ads all over the site?

We refuse to ever move to a subscription model. We are also opposed to advertising, despite the obvious fact that we play games…that are…essentially…advertising…. Shifty Eyes

Ok, so honestly, we think putting advertising on the site would only make the forums more ugly and we really do enjoy empty space because it matches the insides of our heads. Hence, re: advertising - last resort. However, you will note that we have added a Google sponsored search box to both the search page and the sidebar, which may display ads on the search result page. We only receive money from those ads if users click through them, and they are not nearly as lucrative as would be Adwords displayed on the site, nor anywhere near as annoying. Also, they're not actually on the site, so there.

Hey, that's pretty neat! Plus, Google search is more effective than the built-in search.

Yep! Not only that, but--hey! That wasn't a question!

Hahaha, we got you!

Son of a bitch.

This FAQ doesn't make any sense.

NOT A QUESTION!

Sorry. This FAQ doesn't make any sense, am I right? Or am I right?

No.


Ultra-Short Summary of the Above for the Attentionally Challenged in Charming Numbered Lists:

To Begin…

1. Peppi is in no way a representation of any staff or admin of UF, and certainly is not an embodiment of vpisteve in fictional form.

2. UnFiction is maintained thanks to the kind and generous donations by its members.

3. Increasing traffic and demand thanks to the popularity of ARGs and puzzles has increased UnFiction's operating costs to a point that it is no longer feasible for SpaceBass to pay over 60% of the thousands it takes to run the site.

4. ScarpeGrosse has pole rash. Don't ask, just send ointment.

5. In order to keep UnFiction running, your help is needed.

How You Can Help uF:

1. Donate today! All donations go directly to maintaining uF. All generous donators will be recognized on the site. Donations of $100 or more will be recognized as Weekly uF Sponsors.

2. Wear uF! Visit the uF Store for uF apparel and merchandise. All proceeds go to maintaining uF. Plus, you'll look damn sexy while sporting geek chic.

3. Stay tuned! uF has many fantastic new things to get involved in coming soon. These things may or may not involve special limited edition stuff and may or may not be totally freaking awesome. Time will tell, but our fingers are crossed.

4. Obey.
_________________
Alternate Reality Gaming
http://www.unfiction.com/

PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 5:03 am
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schummbo
Veteran


Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 106
Location: Ohio, USA

 		One quick question that wasn't covered in your in depth FAQ Smile

Is there any chance of getting a black UF hooded sweatshirt? I see that all of the merchandise is white. You know, for some of these games, if we really want to get into character, we can't possibly be expected to wear white! Very Happy

EDIT: (in response to below VV) Count me in then, I'll for sure be buying one!
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 11:19 am
Last edited by schummbo on Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Gupfee
Site Admin


Joined: 22 Sep 2002
Posts: 817
Location: Massachusetts

 		Yes, we will be adding black merchandise soon. We just need to get the graphics prepared.
_________________
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. - Judith Martin

PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 11:28 am
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SpaceBass
The BADministrator


Joined: 20 Sep 2002
Posts: 2701
Location: pellucidar

 		By the way, please remember to add your uF username to the comments field when donating, if you want personalized credit on the Contributors page and for weekly sponsorship announcements. Thanks! Smile
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Alternate Reality Gaming
http://www.unfiction.com/

PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 12:36 pm
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SpaceBass
The BADministrator


Joined: 20 Sep 2002
Posts: 2701
Location: pellucidar

 		Oh yeah, and if you want your name on the list linked to a website, add that into the comments field as well!

Guys, the response has been overwhelming so far, to say the least! Thank you so much for all of your support!
_________________
Alternate Reality Gaming
http://www.unfiction.com/

PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 4:36 pm
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drizjr
Unfictologist


Joined: 28 Nov 2003
Posts: 1700

 		Add to FAQ
Hey, I wanna help, but I'm one of those paranoid people ascared of doing anything monetarily over the internet. Could I just mail you a check and ScarpeGrosse a big vat of vaseline?

PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 8:55 pm
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SpaceBass
The BADministrator


Joined: 20 Sep 2002
Posts: 2701
Location: pellucidar

 		Re: Add to FAQ
drizjr wrote:
Hey, I wanna help, but I'm one of those paranoid people ascared of doing anything monetarily over the internet. Could I just mail you a check and ScarpeGrosse a big vat of vaseline?

Yes. And also, yes please.
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Alternate Reality Gaming
http://www.unfiction.com/

PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2006 10:57 pm
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Ehsan
Entrenched

Joined: 09 May 2003
Posts: 992

 		We're stuck at just $250 to go!!! Come on everyone you can do it... $20 here... $20 there... you know you want to swipe that card Pony?!

PostPosted: Sat Aug 05, 2006 10:40 am
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SpaceBass
The BADministrator


Joined: 20 Sep 2002
Posts: 2701
Location: pellucidar

 		As of 5:07 p.m. (Pacific), we've reached our goal, pushed over the top by the lovely Aliendial! Thank you so much to everyone who made this possible! Your contributions will keep uF running strong into 2007!

Thanks again, on behalf of the entire uF staff! Give yourselves a hand! Worshippy



Of course, this doesn't mean you can't still donate if you didn't yet get a chance and want to help out. The expenses never stop!
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Alternate Reality Gaming
http://www.unfiction.com/

PostPosted: Sat Aug 05, 2006 9:14 pm
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audioslave
Unfettered


Joined: 25 Sep 2005
Posts: 547
Location: Canada

 		You people are so weird....

it's a good thing

Good job on reaching your goal! Sorry I couldn't help, but my lack of credit card makes it difficult...
_________________
Now Playing:
  • Nothing. I'm taking a little break from ARGs at the moment. Expect to see me when I have any time to myself.


PostPosted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 2:08 am
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SirQuady
Unfettered


Joined: 15 Jan 2006
Posts: 576
audioslave wrote:
You people are so weird....

it's a good thing

I totally agree.
audioslave wrote:

Good job on reaching your goal!

Yup, good job me' buckoes!
audioslave wrote:
Sorry I couldn't help, but my lack of credit card makes it difficult...

Ditto.
_________________
There once was a [person] from [place]
Whose [body part] was [special case].
When [event] would occur,
It would cause [him or her]
To violate [law of time/space].

PostPosted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 7:48 pm
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rose
...and then Magic happens


Joined: 26 Nov 2003
Posts: 4117
Quote:
As of 5:07 p.m. (Pacific), we've reached our goal, pushed over the top by the lovely Aliendial


Yay! Thanks to everyone!
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I love this site for being free, in every sense of the word~Spacebass

Mankind was my business, the common good was my business.~ Dickens

PostPosted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 8:21 pm
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Mikeyj
Unfictologist


Joined: 18 Oct 2004
Posts: 1847
Location: London

 		Brilliant! Next time can we do a sponsored head-shaving? I'll sit in beans too if you like.

Although I was convinced that you should be able to run two Unforums and a yacht from the proceeds of "Tales from the Third Planet" is it not selling as well as it has in PXC? Wink
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Irrelevant musings.

PostPosted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 5:09 pm
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SpaceBass
The BADministrator


Joined: 20 Sep 2002
Posts: 2701
Location: pellucidar
Mikeyj wrote:
Brilliant! Next time can we do a sponsored head-shaving? I'll sit in beans too if you like.

Although I was convinced that you should be able to run two Unforums and a yacht from the proceeds of "Tales from the Third Planet" is it not selling as well as it has in PXC? Wink


Thanks to the authors of that fine book, I did receive $38 dollars from Mind Candy a month or two ago. Smile
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Alternate Reality Gaming
http://www.unfiction.com/

PostPosted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 6:03 pm
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Nova Loop
Veteran


Joined: 06 Apr 2006
Posts: 132
Location: wherever i go

 		When the chaffing subsides and ScarpeGrosse gets back on the pole can you post where she will be appearing?
Unfortunately I missed all of her previous performances, but I hear they were quite good. Very Happy
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 11:13 am
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