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 Forum index » Diversions » TimeWasters
Jack Lechner's Annual Oscar Song Parodies
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joebrent
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Joined: 01 Oct 2003
Posts: 640
Location: New York, sometimes

 		Jack Lechner's Annual Oscar Song Parodies
My friend Jack Lechner, a musical theatre lyricist, sends his friends an annual mailing called the Oscar Song Parodies right around Oscar time. They're always brilliant, so I thought I'd share a few with you:

Lord of the Rings

(to the tune of 'My Favorite Things')

Happily, film number three is a doozy
Though I'll admit I'm befuddled and woozy
Sorting through all the confusion it brings
So many endings in Lord of the Rings

So long to Mirkwood, Helm's Deep, Cirith Ungol
Forest of Fangorn as dense as a jungle
Gondor, where Denethor unwisely clings
So many endings in Lord of the Rings

Farewell, Osgiliath, Bree, Minas Tirith
Dark Minas Morgul where nobody cheereth
Mount Doom (poor Gollum - just one of those things - )
So many endings in Lord of the Rings

Now it's finished
We're diminished
It was great, but long
I hope Peter Jackson will rest for a while
Before he remakes
King Kong

Master and Commander

(to the tune of 'All of Me')

Sodomy
Where is the sodomy
That a sea faring voyage was known for?
If a tar
Went below decks then
Chances are
He would have sex then
Peter Weir
Checked all his facts, it's clear
And they're here in meticulous detail.
But in the dash
From rum to the lash,
Where is the sodomy?

Mystic River

(to the tune of 'Mister Sandman')

Mystic River
Dark as can be
The feel-bad movie of Two Thousand Three
It proves a man'll do the things a beast would
If he is in a picture by Clint Eastwood
Mystic River
Maybe I'm dense
But did that ending remotely make sense?
Though the critics don't agree
Mystic River mystified me!

The Station Agent

(to the tune of 'Secret Agent Man')

There's a guy whose habits are monastic
Perhaps because that guy's achondroplastic
He's a complicated man
A lonely railroad fan
Whose attitude is frequently sarcastic

Station Agent Man
Station Agent Man
Oh, they've given you a depot
But they've taken away your train

Beware of hot dog vendors at your site
They'll want to blather on all day and night
But a gal who lost her kid
May make you flip your lid
Although when she's behind the wheel she's spastic

Station Agent Man
Station Agent Man
Oh, they've given you a depot
But they've taken away your train

There are many more, but I'll type them out some other time.
_________________
http://www.josephbrent.com

PostPosted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 10:03 pm
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joebrent
Unfettered


Joined: 01 Oct 2003
Posts: 640
Location: New York, sometimes

 		Monster

(to the tune of 'Hey, Good Lookin')

Hey, bad lookin'
Are you done hookin'?
How's about killin' useless guys for me?
Hey, unsightly
Murdering nightly
You can act out your true misanthropy
Your economic straits are appalin', for sure
But hey, here's a way to make you secure
Ten-dollar tricks give you no cash flow
But if you knock off your johns, you'll be rollin' in dough
Hey, bad lookin'
Do some poor schnook in
You're gonna wind up on death row, not me!

Gigli

(to the tune of 'The Lady is a Tramp')

They say a movie can't get too much press
But this is one film that should have had less
We knew for months it would be a big mess
That's why the movie was a flop

What were the factors that made critics pounce?
Let's start with Ben, who was better in Bounce
Then there's the title they couldn't pronouce
That's why the movie was a flop

A film with stars so
Overexposed
Our minds were closed
To their
Affair

Who cared if Ben or Jen was on top?
That's why the movie was a flop!
_________________
http://www.josephbrent.com

PostPosted: Wed Mar 10, 2004 4:06 am
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