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 Forum index » Archive » Archive: Cloverfield (1-18-08) » Cloverfield: Social / OT / Humor
[OT][HUMOR] Well things are going kinda slow.
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adriansd1986
Boot

Joined: 12 Oct 2007
Posts: 62

 		What do you call a woman with one leg?

Spoiler (Rollover to View):
Ilene.


What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg?

Spoiler (Rollover to View):
Irene!


What do you call a cow with two legs?

Spoiler (Rollover to View):
Lean Beef.


What do you call a cow with no legs?

Spoiler (Rollover to View):
Ground Beef!


BANG!

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 7:05 pm
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OliMango
Entrenched


Joined: 07 Oct 2007
Posts: 1189
Location: Vegas

 		A nun waves to a cab and the cab comes and picks her up. As they are driving the cab driver says to the nun, "I..I hope you don't find this weird, but I've always wanted to kiss a nun. It's been my dream." The nun looked at the cab driver and said, "Very well, but on two conditions. One, you must be Catholic, and two, you must have never had sex with another woman." The man couldn't contain his excitement, "Yes! Yes!" He said, "I am both Catholic and a virgin!" "Very well." The nun said, "Pull over." The cab driver pulled over and the nun gave him a kiss that would make a prostitute jealous. As they continue to drive down the road, the cab driver broke down in tears and said, "I need to ask for your forgiveness...for I am Lutheran and have a wife and two kids." The nun looked and him and said, "We have both lied. My name is Bob and I'm going to a costume party."

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 7:10 pm
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Magus00
Entrenched


Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Posts: 838
Location: 10 Cloverfield Lane

 		So a priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this? Some kinda joke?"

Ba-da TSH!
_________________
Ya got whacked 'cause you're weak.
Going my way?

P.S. Lambo_Diablo_Svtt makes awesome signs. Cheer him on! Or else...or else...I'll think of something.

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 7:25 pm
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Soci
Decorated


Joined: 19 Jul 2007
Posts: 205
Location: Brooklyn!

 		Who makes more money, a prostitute or a crack dealer???




Spoiler (Rollover to View):
A prostitute, because she can wash her crack and sell it again...
Razz Razz Laughing Laughing

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 7:59 pm
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Magus00
Entrenched


Joined: 18 Dec 2007
Posts: 838
Location: 10 Cloverfield Lane

 		An oldie with a twist
Kinda long, so forgive me.
" A retired corporate executive decided to take a vacation. He booked
himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life
until the boat sank. He found himself on an island with no other people, no
supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most
gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he
asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here
when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up
with you."

"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material I
found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I
wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from
a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the
island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed I found if I
fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable,
ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the
hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing,
she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly
falls out off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite
bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat
with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb
struck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call
it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?"

"No. No thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut
juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about
a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit
down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the
woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable.
Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in
the bathroom cabinet."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom.
There,in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells
honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel
mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically
positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to
sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've
been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something
I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something for all these
months?"
She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean......" he swallows excitedly
and tears start to form in his eyes "..... I can check UnForum from here?"
_________________
Ya got whacked 'cause you're weak.
Going my way?

P.S. Lambo_Diablo_Svtt makes awesome signs. Cheer him on! Or else...or else...I'll think of something.

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 8:23 pm
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Byahhh
Veteran


Joined: 11 Dec 2007
Posts: 104

 		Here ya go
14631tbv5kf450f.gif
 Description   
 Filesize   125.24KB
 Viewed   103 Time(s)

14631tbv5kf450f.gif
batman.gif
 Description   
 Filesize   64.32KB
 Viewed   100 Time(s)

batman.gif
blue.gif
 Description   
 Filesize   10.34KB
 Viewed   103 Time(s)

blue.gif

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 8:38 pm
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OliMango
Entrenched


Joined: 07 Oct 2007
Posts: 1189
Location: Vegas
Byahhh wrote:
Here ya go


Gah I love your avatar.

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 9:01 pm
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starshiptrooper
Entrenched


Joined: 06 Dec 2007
Posts: 792
Location: Shelbyville, TN

 		here's another fine product from Tagruato

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=cXG8RNTp5EM[/youtube]

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 9:06 pm
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