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 Forum index » Archive » Archive: Chasing the Wish » CTW: Interaction
EMAIL HUMOR?: Contact with Phyllis Willingham
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LordKinbote
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Joined: 25 Sep 2002
Posts: 261

 		EMAIL HUMOR?: Contact with Phyllis Willingham
Hey, they spend most of their time messing with our heads, can't we return the favor?

Here's an e-mail I just sent out to the Hollow Needle Antique Shop:

To the Kind Employees at Hollow Needle:


I recently inherited a burgundy trunk that I thought you may be interested in. The exterior has been intricately carved with various designs of stars and dragons, and the interior is lined with a deep purple velvet. If I had to guess, I would say that it was created sometime in the late 19th century. Let me know if you would like to take a look at it, perhaps for future purchase, or at least just to appreciate the fine worksmanship.


---Scott Handelman

P.S. The trunk contains the skeletal remains of my great-grandfather. Will this be a problem?

I'll be sure to post a reply if I get one!

PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2003 4:05 am
Last edited by LordKinbote on Fri Mar 07, 2003 7:30 pm; edited 2 times in total
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LordKinbote
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Joined: 25 Sep 2002
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 		The reply...
And here's the reply...apparently all you have to do to get on this woman's good side is use your real name, haha.

To: Scott Handelman <schandelman@vassar.edu>
Subject: Re: Interesting Trunk


My dear Mr. Handelman,


The trunk sounds exquisite. I would be most delighted if you would bring it by
the shop when you're next in town. I daresay it seems as if it would be a
remarkable addition to our collection. Do you still have the key for the
trunk, by chance?


Regarding your departed ancestor, as we seem to have some legal restrictions
against selling human remains within the state of New Jersey, I must
regretfully insist that you remove his remains pre-inspection.


Thank you for your interest in our little shop! I do look forward to your
visit.


Very sincerely,


Phyllis Willingham
The Hollow Needle


PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2003 10:22 pm
Last edited by LordKinbote on Thu Mar 06, 2003 10:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
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LordKinbote
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 		And my reply:

Ms. Dobbs,

I'm afraid I am not in possession of the key for the trunk, and therefore cannot remove the remains as you have requested. My family speculates that my great-grandmother swallowed said key after she locked the bloody, mangled corpse of her husband in the trunk.

However, my family was planning on an exhumation of Greatgramma Bertie's grave site in the near future anyway, so we'd be happy to retrieve the key for you.

Do you mind waiting until after the 17th of April? I will hopefully have more news for you.

Sincerely,
Scott Handelman

PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2003 10:29 pm
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Diandra
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Joined: 27 Sep 2002
Posts: 390

 		Ms Dobbs?
Any particular reason you adressed Phyllis Willingham as Ms. Dobbs? She's a stickler for formalities...

Dia
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 2:01 am
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LordKinbote
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Joined: 25 Sep 2002
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 		CRAP

I sent off another email with the right name in the salutations...and I asked in the subject title that the previous message be ignored.

Sigh.

---Scott the Village Idiot

PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 2:14 am
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LordKinbote
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Joined: 25 Sep 2002
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 		Got this today...
Seems I pushed a button...

To: Scott Handelman <schandelman@vassar.edu>
Subject: Re: Trunk (Please disregard previous sent message)


Dear Mr. Handelman,


I most certainly will disregard your previous message, young man. I have no
idea how you could confuse me with that Ms. Dobbs, of whom I will speak no
more, because my mother taught me well when she said one should say nothing
when otherwise unflattering words would be said. And I am nothing if not
polite and tactful, of that I am certain!


As an aside, it's bad enough the road our shop is located on has to be named
after that woman. But I shall say no more. There were some fine Dobbs in
town, but she was certainly not one of them. But, I do digress. On to the
real topic of interest: your family's trunk.


I would be more than happy to wait until after April 17th. If you do manage to
obtain the key from your great-grandmother's final resting place, to be
delicate, do let me know; I am sure that with that kind of provenance, we would
be able to offer even more for your unique trunk.


Thank you for your reply, and I will look forward to hearing from you again in
mid-April.


Most sincerely,


Phyllis Willingham
The Hollow Needle

PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 7:09 pm
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LordKinbote
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Joined: 25 Sep 2002
Posts: 261

 		And my reply...
Maybe I can learn more about the mayor and his wife through Ms. Willingham, who I'm sure has plenty of dirt...

I do apologize greatly, Ms. Willingham, for my slip-up. It was quite uncalled for. I've been under a great deal of stress lately, what with the discovery of certain skeletons in my family's closet and other minor concerns. I happened to be mulling over the "Overdue Book" charges for this month ($16.47 for failing to return Stephen King's "The Stand"...I tell you, it's impossible to finish the thing in less than a year!) as I wrote the previous email and accidentally replaced your name in the salutations with the name on the envelope in front of me, Ms. Dobbs. It was a simple, yet unfortunate, mistake, and I hope you can forgive me.

I have heard from some people around town quite a few less than kind remarks generated towards Ms. Dobbs, yet have not really known the source of the rumors. But now, after receiving this astronomical bill, I can understand people's disdain for the woman.

If you don't mind me asking, when did your dislike towards Ms. Dobbs begin? If you like, I can share with you some of the juicy tidbits about her that I've heard 'round town. Nothing like a bit of new mid-morning gossip to share with the regulars, am I right?

Sincerely,
Scott Handelman

PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 7:27 pm
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ZeusLegion
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Joined: 31 Dec 2002
Posts: 46

 		Shouldn't it be Mrs. for both Agatha and Phyllis? Or are they the sisters of the town lawyer and the mayor. Strange that they would dislike each other when their husbands (?) work so closely together.

Z

PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 7:37 pm
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LordKinbote
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Joined: 25 Sep 2002
Posts: 261

 		"Ms" is usually less marriage-specific as "Mrs" or "Miss". You're right though, these are the types of women who probably hearken back to a day when it was either "Mrs" or "Miss".

However, maybe I'm someone who doesn't know if Phyllis Willingham is married or not, so it's completely plausible that I would use "Ms." so as not to assume either way.

And, as to your last question...maybe their husbands working together contributes to the reason they don't like each other. Time will tell.

---Scott

PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 7:45 pm
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MaggieMae
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Joined: 02 Jan 2003
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 		Spouses
Do we know for sure that the people mentioned are married to each other? They could also be siblings, parent-child pairs, etc.

MaggieMae

PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 8:36 pm
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dashcat
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Joined: 09 Dec 2002
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 		This is very entertaining LordKinbote. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping Phyllis is a gossip. Thanks for the giggles Laughing

PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 10:26 pm
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kingohugs
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Joined: 25 Sep 2002
Posts: 73
Location: NYC, New York

 		I've started some minor correspondence with the Librarian...who just happens to be Mrs. Dobbs. I'd be more than happy to attempt to get the other side of the story.

PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2003 11:43 pm
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LordKinbote
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Joined: 25 Sep 2002
Posts: 261

 		Good idea, kingohugs! We can play them off one another until they kill each other like that scene in "Needful Things".

Man, small town feuds can be soon fun, yet so ultimately bloody.

---Scott

PostPosted: Sat Mar 08, 2003 1:44 am
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Myssfitz
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Joined: 26 Feb 2003
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Location: In the pasture

 		I might be able to help with the finding out of gossip. I too started emailing Mrs. Dobbs. Her birthday is March 9th, so I sent her an email wishing her a happy birthday. Maybe she will "like" me and open up. Monday I will send another email asking how her birthday was....
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 08, 2003 3:44 am
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kingohugs
Veteran

Joined: 25 Sep 2002
Posts: 73
Location: NYC, New York

 		Here goes nothing (yes, incorrect name of antique store used on purpose):

Dear Ms. Dobbs,

First and foremost, have a very happy birthday
tomorrow.

Secondly, I had the image of the grafitti up on my
computer screen, when a friend walked by and said
"That's Stonehenge, but why is it dripping like wet
paint. I certainly don't see it, but he mentioned
something about key stones in the structure and a
calendar....went over my head, but I thought this may
mean something to you.

And last, and probably most embarassing, I have a
favor to ask of you. As I mentioned, I've been
working along with the Museum of Modern Art here. In
actuality, I run the theater where they hold their
film series. Up until recently, however, it was a
live theater (as opposed to a film house). The reason
I bring this up, is because I read about the antique
store (The Empty Needle?) with the chest of books
found on the library site. I was wondering if you
could tell me if there were any plays/scripts found
inside? If so, any first editions would certainly
interest me.

Thanks in advance,
Matthew

PostPosted: Sat Mar 08, 2003 12:11 pm
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