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 Forum index » Chaotic Fiction » Slender Man Mythos
[DEAD SERIES] Ivory Railroad
Moderators: ChildOfAtom, Cougar Draven, DavFlamerock, Dixie_Wolf, ndemeter
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Dray
Pretty talky there aintcha, Talky?


Joined: 15 Jan 2010
Posts: 2578
Location: Cowtown, AB

 		[DEAD SERIES] Ivory Railroad
(Defunct)
I got a friends request on youtube for an account called 'Ivory Railroad', which can be found here. ( http://www.youtube.com/ivoryrailroad for the link-phobic.)

The first video, named 'Prelude' mimics Marble Hornets' 'Introduction' in almost every way. I'll reserve my judgment about where I think this is going, though to the PM (or PM's), I'm dropping a few points of critique here because I'm sick of seeing the same jazz spew up again and again.

Your entire concept is mimicking Marble Hornets but on a smaller level that's less well-thought-out. It could just be that it all needs time to fall in to place... but I think that you need to sit down with your fellow PM's (or just with friends who are in on your videos) and for a good few hours, write ideas down. Then rip them apart.

What's good about an idea? Do you think you can film it in such a way that it's going to look cool? What will you need in order to be able to film your idea -- props? Special lighting or location? Acting? What's bad about the idea? Be honest with yourselves and with your friends and be mean about it! Is the idea cool because you saw it in Marble Hornets? Is it something we've seen before? How are you going to take that similar idea and make it kick ass so that us stupid, snobby viewers are going to sit, driveling on our fat asses squinting at the cool soothing glow of our internets and actually take our fingers out of our noses long enough to say, "oh, hey, that was pretty cool!"? You know that most of us are (if not in body, then in spirit) Comic Book Guys who are willing to rip a production to shreds.... so do it first. Whatever comes out the other end will be stronger for it.

Technically: use a white font with a black stroke around the outside when you're attaching it to your film. When your words show up on a pale background they get lost and become difficult to read, which is a pain in the ass.

Spell check. Beta-read. Get someone who's competent -- no, who's anal retentive -- to read it. If you're missing a single apostrophe, space, or leaving an 'I' uncapitalized, it makes your entire project look kind of inept. Doing that repeatedly makes you look lazy, or potentially just stupid.

If you're going to copy a series that you like, don't lift the names of characters out of the original to use in your own. 'Alex' is a common enough name but since you're looting Marble Hornets' narrative frame, using 'Alex' for one of your character's names is less of an homage and more of a... I don't know, a fanfic insert. Even if your friend's name in real life is Alex, change that shit, son!

I don't have much to say about the content of 'Prelude' yet. It probably needs some time to gather momentum. I hope that the above isn't too harsh, as I would like to see the Ivory Railroad channel turn out great. I'm hoping that you can meld enthusiasm to make new entries with the time and care that it takes to make each new entry do two or three things:
1) Catch our attention (a hook)
2) Make us ask questions
3) Leave us wanting more

and optionally, plays around with elements of story, of shooting things (think cinematography with props, lighting, cropping, TIMING AND PACING TIMING AND PACING OH DID I REPEAT MYSELF? TIMING AND PACING! And there are others that I'm sure you can read about or dig up.) Show that you are having fun and learning things, rather than humpbacking the success of Marble Hornets for comments. Bridle your enthusiasm to make things and make something new and yours and unique!

(This is probably why nobody really tries to introduce new Slenderblogs to Unfiction via going friends-on with my accounts. >_>")

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:00 am
Last edited by Dray on Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:14 am; edited 1 time in total
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lurkerpants
Guest


 		It appears the account has been deleted already.

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:32 am
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MetalGearSamus
Unfettered


Joined: 03 Apr 2010
Posts: 675

 		Wow, way to go Dray! XD

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 12:42 am
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mattskies
Boot

Joined: 16 May 2010
Posts: 14

 		Looks like they don't take well to criticism XD

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 3:50 am
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jamiel8668
Boot

Joined: 16 Nov 2009
Posts: 38
Location: Burn City

 		lmfao

Props to you Dray.

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 5:42 am
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splodingheads
Veteran

Joined: 12 Oct 2009
Posts: 108

 		channel's closed bro

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:26 am
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Dray
Pretty talky there aintcha, Talky?


Joined: 15 Jan 2010
Posts: 2578
Location: Cowtown, AB

 		Well damn. Maybe they're going to start over with something more awesome. Very Happy

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:14 am
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iamslenderman
Veteran


Joined: 08 Feb 2010
Posts: 128

 		Giiiirl you spanked them good!

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:17 am
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Seraphic Adonis
Unfettered


Joined: 15 Mar 2010
Posts: 397

 		...ah-ha, nice one. I certainly hope they find someone who'd happily remake the human body for not being efficient enough (goddamn appendixes).

Also/unrelated note: a few friends of mine have considered writing a Slenderblog, but don't use non-blogging websites much. If they do make one, am I permitted to post the Slenderblog on unfiction? [query to moderators, but personal opinions are also helpful!]

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:30 am
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Serenity
Entrenched

Joined: 07 Feb 2010
Posts: 836
Location: Panhandle

 		Wow, Dray. You whipped them good.

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 6:55 pm
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Dray
Pretty talky there aintcha, Talky?


Joined: 15 Jan 2010
Posts: 2578
Location: Cowtown, AB

 		It wasn't supposed to be a whipping; I tried to make the bulk of it useful in some manner or other. >_>" Next time I will edit my post down to make it more neutral.

As for posting Slender-blogness, Seraphic, it's forbidden by Unforum rules. You can send a link to anyone anonymously (through emails, or youtube, or blogger, etc... I think that there's even a thread buried somewhere here for people to post their IM names so you can contact them that way!) but PM's can't post links to UF themselves.

PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:43 pm
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