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[TuxKamen]

I answered 15:25 crates_and_a_dolly and gave my rank as Ensign.

Another repost, I guess. I'm sorry, it's not as in-depth as the other reports will be...partly because of the end, partly because I didn't have a recorder. I'm sure Melissa did, though. Consider this all paraphrasing.

Location: Mission Valley McDonald's, San Diego, CA

As with the others, I passed the obvious question, and then moved into the proving stage. I had bought a drink at the McDonald's, thinking that AIs certainly don't drink--but I had finished that well before the call came in. So when she asked me to prove that I was human, I...well...I made straw noises.

<sigh>

It wasn't too convincing, and she said so. So I coughed out of embarrassment...

'A cough.'

'...yes.'

Melissa seemed a bit more satisfied, and asked me to seal the deal by telling her a joke. That threw me! I looked around, at the big McDonald's sign, at the phone...

'...are you familiar with Earth animals?'

'Somewhat.'

'All right, then. What do you call a cow with no legs?'

'I do not know.'

'Ground beef.'

The next couple of seconds were agonizing.

'...I consider that <beat> humorous.'

. o O ( Oh, thank God... )

'Good, I'm glad you like it--'

'--tell me a joke about *bees*.'

'*Bees?*'

'Yes. Bees!'

'Uh...hm. All right. What flies and goes 'zzzzzb, zzzzzb'?'

(I know. They would have jettisoned me five minutes into the flight.)

'A bee! <bees/bees/BEES/bees>'

'Uh, yes, but slightly different. ZZZZZB, ZZZZZB. A bee flying *backwards.*'

<pause>

'Bees fly backwards?'

. o O ( Make that three minutes into the flight... )

'I'm sure they do *occasionally*. Usually they fly the normal way. Forwards.'

Melissa put us both out of our misery then, and asked if I was alone. Interestingly, the location was dead, dead, dead, even though it's in the middle of a hugely busy part of town, so I describe the weather (great), the lack of people (odd), and mentioned the McDonald's, lamely describing it as a 'fast food conveyance'.

'--describe "fast food conveyance".'

'Oh! Well...it's a place where people who don't have a lot of time, or who don't bring their own meals, go to have some food. The service is quick, hence "fast food".'

'...describe *slow* food.'

. o O ( ... )

I looked behind me at the upscale, somewhat snooty sushi restaurant across the parking lot from the McDonald's--mind you, that tells you all you need to know about the place--and said, 'Well, slow food is good too. For example there's a place right behind me that I've been to. The food is better, if you don't mind waiting for it, but the service takes _forever_.'

This seemed satisfactory, and we moved into identifying myself as a crew member (Kamen, Ensign), then bridged into Melissa's feelings. I was expecting to discuss loneliness, but she surprised me yet _again_ by asking me to describe a story of revenge.

In doing this I related a personal story I wasn't really planning on saying--I had a proper 'story' for loneliness but not one for revenge, but I needed to say something. So I did. A name was asked for, and I gave it. I just ended it with a somewhat poor moral (paraphrased): Sometimes, even in moments of happiness, humans have a tendency to bring in unworthy feelings.

Melissa then discussed her fears about her current situation. Here I am getting deliberately vague: Other people might feel comfortable talking about this part, but I consider it part of what she wants me to keep in confidence, so I will. I made it clear that I would help her in any way I can. I provided her my contact information and gave permission for her to record our communications.

--Ensign Kamen

(EDIT: Tense shift makes it appear I have control over who gets on the crew, which I do not.)

[Zudini]

After the 13:18 live axon I had only a few minutes to spare before an appointment. So I dashed off the following email to Dana upon reading her blog.
---
Dana,

I saw your blog post asking for details. I answered the 1:18 axon.

Melissa asked me my favorite game. I said Tic-Tac-Toe. She asked,
wasn't that a children's game? I said yeah, but don't we all have a
child inside of us somewhere.

She asked me my name; I said Adam. My rank; I said Lieutenant. My ship; I said Apocalypso. She said she remembers all of her crew and didn't know a lieutenant Adam. I told her I was a new recruit. She asked how I got recruited. I said Captain Greene invited me personally. "You know Captain Greene?" Yes, I said, we met at the Academy. She asked if I was alone. There was a gentleman on the neighboring payphone, so I said "not quite." "Who's there?" "A stranger. Not a crewman." She mentioned that she had important informaiton she needed to share, but it had to be secure, only for crewmen.. I assured her the stranger couldn't hear.

She asked how she could know that? I was stumped, and asked how she
wanted me to prove it to her. She asked me my homeworld. I didn't
know what to say to that; if I said Earth she would be suspicious, and
if I said any other planet name that wasn't from her universe/time,
the gig might be up. I said, "I'd rather not say." She asked how she
could possibly trust me then. Why wouldn't I say? "I'm afraid the
answer might prejudice you against me," was the best I could come up
with. Melissa definitely seemed less trusting than with Colonel
xnbomb

Eventually she asked if there were another way we could communicate--a
more secure line. I said, "do you want my, um... chatter address?"
She said, "whatever you can give me." So I gave her my cell phone
number (10 digits--area code first). She repeated the string of
numbers. I said, "that's correct". Then she signed off with a bunch
of "I love bees"'s, and the line went dead.

Ok, so I'm spooked. There are a few more axons later in the evening
that I might end up answering. If you like, I can give her _your_
number. Maybe she'd like to talk to you directly.

--Adam

[Son of a Beep]

has anyone contacted the crew member "Chappy, Mstr. Chf."?

If I recall correctly this title was one given exclusively or almost exclusively to Spartan-117, our master chief from halo. I wonder if his conversaion went differently or what he said to convince Melissa that he was a Master Chief, since The chief was never on the apocolypso, and in fact was probably on halo while the apocalypso crash landed in the earth's atmosphere.

Also did anyone try telling her that Halo is your favorite game when she asked? lol. I would have said basketball, myself.

**Edit**
Nevermind, I found his post, Odd that Melissa trusted him as a member of her crew when he even stated being on the pillar of autumn, like Spartan-117..

[Dragonrider]

Okay, my account here.

14:27
Hokona Hall (dormitory)
University of New Mexico, Albuquerque, New Mexico.
3:27 pm my time.

I got there a few minutes early, pacing the halls saying (I know, I'm a dork) "Come on, Melissa, Give me a call..." over and over again. Sounds like I'm waiting for a significant other here. She calls. Suddenly, there's no background noise on the phone. I took a call on this phone once before and could barely hear it. Now it's almost clear. And she sounds a little different. Calmer, almost.

She asks her favorite game, of which we all know. Then she asked how she could know I'm not a recording. I should do something.
"What can I do? I'll do anything."
"I'm stranded here, all alone and all I get is you asking questions? Take some initiative!"
So I ask if I can tell her a story. She almost literally jumps on it and says "Yes! Tell me a story."

So I proceed to tell her about when my sister was in the hospital. How she was cut, from the base of her spine to her tailbone. They fused her entire spine.
Melissa asks, "They cut her. With knives?"
"yes."
"With scalpels?"
"yes."
"Did they replace her bones?" (a little creepy and morbid if I do say so)
"No. They added to them. She was weak, but now she is strong. She's stronger than me."
She started crying and saying I love Bees again.
"No, she's okay! She's about to graduate high school. She's lined up to be valedictorian. She's doing great. She's okay."
"She's okay?"
"Yes."
"What's her name?"
I tell her my little siter's name.
"What's YOUR name?"
"Dragonrider."
She repeats it and asks my rank. I tell her, and then she starts going off on how there's a spy. Then she asks me to tell her a story about revenge. I'm blank here. I don't get revenge on people, that's not who I am. So I tell her about the last time I got revenge. On my sister. When we were kids.
"Children are cruel," she says.
"Yes, they are."
She asks for a way to contact me, so I tell her, and just to make sure, I ask her to repeat my number back. She says she'll transmit once a week, so I ask if she knows when. She doesn't.
Then she asks, "But your sister is okay?"
I smile, because here's a somewhat cruel and vindictive AI asking if my little sister is okay from a back surgery she had five years ago. "Yes, she's doing wonderfully."
"Will YOU be okay?"
"I will be."
She goes off on how unsafe the transmissions and how hard they are and then fades off into I Love Bees. I ask , "Melissa? Melissa?" a couple of times, but no answer, and then a click.

I must have looked like I'd just been off having some college "adult recreation" in the dorms, flushed, sweating and grinning like an idiot. I actually skipped a ways out of the dorm. And then I went to answer the next axon.

So, Ensign Dragonrider, signing off.

[Karmic]

[Trynian]

Wow. These are some pretty incredible conversations...I've never been good at thinking under pressure; Melissa would have waxed me but good from step 1 "prove you're human". Congratulations to all of you who've done so well!

Edit: I particularly like this exchange:

[TuxKamen]

*I* hope not. That call was a collection of 'not my best moment's. <cough>

[krystyn]

Ditto, Tux! Why did I siiiiiiiing?

Although, I would love to hear those jokes and her responses. Those had me laughing up a storm this morning. It's like you were a vaudeville team, and she was totally your straight man.

Most excellent.

[Dragonrider]

Right now, it's amusing to me. When I answered the phone, I was so nervous she asked if I was okay...

[Ranger D]

Melissa gives me no love

[MeKiwi]

Re: Melissa gives me no love

[DM]

Important Message For Melissa's Contacts!

Guys, on #Beekeepers, we were discussing what would happen if one of you mentioned the Sleeping Princess. Now, we know very well that Melissa thinks of the SP as a rogue process, and is not completely aware of the Flea. In fact, she thinks the Flea is a higher version of the SPDR. I believe we need to warn Melissa about the flea, and his signs of being the true rogue process within her systems.

When Melissa calls, you HAVE to warn her about the Flea. Tell her you have seen 'hints' of a third process in her system other than the Rogue Process she knows of, which has been called-on occasion-the Flea. Tell her to be careful of him, because he is not "SPDR-5.14.77", but a completely different process. (The Widow was "SPDR-5.14.3")

It was decided on #Beekeepers that while Melissa was unaware of the Flea that it could be dangerous to her. If the Flea truly is a covenant AI, and she deletes the SP instead, the Flea has nothing to worry about but taking down/full control of Melissa. Which, of course, we can't have.

Here's a quote from the chat, important parts in bold.

[Mike_Was]

[Karmic]

[Karmic]