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Forum index » Chaotic Fiction » Slender Man Mythos

The Rules of the Slenderfan
Moderators: ChildOfAtom, Cougar Draven, DavFlamerock, Dixie_Wolf, ndemeter

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NobodyPanic
Boot

Joined: 28 Nov 2010
Posts: 12
Location: Under my bed

The Rules of the Slenderfan
When 5AM meets insperation and a means...

Does this go here? Please God let this go here. I don't want to look like an idiot again...

A few hours ago someone (Elizibar, I believe it was) mentioned there being no girls on the Internet. I immediately fled to the mighty google and beseeched it to tell me the entire list of rules I knew that phrase to come from.

Google, the omnipotent being that it is, directed me to the Know Your Meme page for the Rules of the Internet. Naturally, my sleep deprived brain got to clicking, and several hours later, in this time period we call the present, I find myself staring at forty-seven rules I can't remember typing out. Forty-seven rules that pertain to everyone's favorite slender figure.
...
Who says five am is too late/early for inspiration?

Me.
That's who.

But, anyway, I feel somehow obliged to share this with you, the masses of Unfiction. Probably because you were the source that sparked the creation of this disaster I threw together...

The Rules of the Slenderfan
01. Do not talk about Slenderman
02. Do NOT talk about Slenderman
03. If you talk about Slenderman, He will know
04. Slenderman is sovereign
05. Slenderman never relents
06. If you talk about Slenderman, He will find you
07. If Slenderman finds you, you must make a publicly accessible log about it - no exceptions
08. There are no rules in dealing with Slenderman
09. There are no rules for Slenderman, either - enjoy your slendering
10. If you enjoy other ARGs - DON'T
11. All of your carefully worded trailheads can easily be ignored
12. Anything with comments enabled will turn into shouting of "4:05! 4:05!"
13. 4:05! 4:05!
14. Do not try to communicate with the Maskys - it means they win
15. The more you participate, the more engrossed you become
16. If you become engrossed enough, you may just become cannon
17. Every good series eventually spawns hundreds of horrible spinoffs
18. Everything that can be predicted can be labeled as "obvious"
19. The more you think about Him the more real He becomes
20. Everyone is an unreliable narrator
21. New trailheads are only new for a few moments before becoming old
22. Slenderman was born to strip you of every last bit of sanity and most of your memory
23. Slenderman was born to strip you of every last bit of sanity and most of your memo... wait what?
24. Every sidestory is just a sidestory to another sidestory
25. The narrators sanity is inversely proportional to the length of time the series has existed
26. Every series is subject to a visit from Umbrellaman or the Rake
27. Always question the originality of a series without any solid reason
28. Always question the storyarc of a series - just in case it's not completely planned
29. Everyone is either an agent of Tall Dark and Faceless, or a victim
30. There are no women on the internet, only men and rakebabies
31. TENTACLES or GTFO
32. You will always have a video camera on your person - at all times - no exceptions
33. Read more - there is always a new blog
34. There is slash of it
35. If no slash can be found at the time, it will be made
36. There will always be even more fucked up shit than what you just saw
37. You cannot view all of the videos or tweets on your own channel or account, nor can you have a secure password (just because He says so)
38. Even the laws of physics will bend to the whims of Slenderman
39. DEEP down in the dark thERe is no hope of MEet ANYthING besides your doom
40. If you CANt BE like eveRy onE else and enjoy The trees tAat he woRkeD so vEry harD planting kindly shut up
41. Slenderman eats a can of of desu desu for breakfast; he still looks badass (probably because of the pint of Chuck Norris' beard he drinks for lunch)
42. Nowhere is safe
43. The more innocent a trailhead looks to be - the more horribly things will go wrong
44. Just one positive remark about a character from any given series makes you member of their fanclub
45. When one sees a Slenderman, one must grab the nearest baseball bat and charge toward him, attempt to beat Him with said bat, fail miserably, collapse to the ground with blood pouring from you mouth, then be hauled off by one or more of your friends to your car/other form of transportation, and be driven around for several hours in an attempt to find a hospital.

45.5: If you encounter Him after darkness falls and you are still attempting to find said hospital, you are obliged to attempt to run Him over with your car, appear to hit Him, then actually wake up several hours later nestled comfortably in either your or on of your friends' basements.46. There is one work of fiction in every fandom that involves Slenderman
47. The narrator always dies

REVISIONS

48. If there is one thing you want for Christmas, it is a gun
49. You swing a bat at Slenderman!

49.5 It's not very effective...50. In observance of rules 49 and 49.5, you must never bring a bat to a slenderfight
51. In contrast to rule 50, always bring a knife to a slenderfight

51.5.5 YAY KNIVES!

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 9:56 am
Last edited by NobodyPanic on Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:12 pm; edited 1 time in total

Compulsory Basket
Unfettered

Joined: 06 Apr 2010
Posts: 362

Ahaha, awesome. Very Happy

And you know, I think this is the first time I've ever seen that Fight Club reference actually work as more than just a reference.

NobodyPanic wrote:

46. There is one work of fiction in every fandom that involves Slenderman

AND THAT'S HOW WE KNOW HE'S WON.

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:03 am

NobodyPanic
Boot

Joined: 28 Nov 2010
Posts: 12
Location: Under my bed

Compulsory Basket wrote:

Ahaha, awesome. Very Happy

And you know, I think this is the first time I've ever seen that Fight Club reference actually work as more than just a reference.

NobodyPanic wrote:

46. There is one work of fiction in every fandom that involves Slenderman

AND THAT'S HOW WE KNOW HE'S WON.

Baha, thank you.
Woah, really? Well, that makes me feel special xD

...
...
IT'S SAD BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 10:18 am

Lyn
Guest

Quote:

07. If Slenderman finds you, you must make a publicly accessible log about it - no exceptions

This. Just this.

Although it is sort of canon to want to record your actions -- Jay started filming himself like Alex halfway through MH and couldn't say why. But everyone here already knows that. Shutting up.

In conclusion, this list is win. XD

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:37 am

Lewa
Unfettered

Joined: 11 Nov 2010
Posts: 518
Location: New Hampshire, USA

Lyn wrote:

Quote:

07. If Slenderman finds you, you must make a publicly accessible log about it - no exceptions

Well, if there are Slendervictims who haven't made it public, then we can't know about them. There could be a silent majority.

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:40 am

Lyn
Boot

Joined: 28 Nov 2010
Posts: 22

Lewa wrote:

Lyn wrote:

Quote:

07. If Slenderman finds you, you must make a publicly accessible log about it - no exceptions

Well, if there are Slendervictims who haven't made it public, then we can't know about them. There could be a silent majority.

Good point! But think about how many Slenderblogs there are. If that's not even touching the greater number of them... O.O

(Also, hooray for me finally be un-lazy and making an account. Razz

)

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:45 am

Compulsory Basket
Unfettered

Joined: 06 Apr 2010
Posts: 362

Lyn wrote:

Good point! But think about how many Slenderblogs there are. If that's not even touching the greater number of them... O.O

(Also, hooray for me finally be un-lazy and making an account. Razz

)

The truth is that everyone in the world ever has been stalked and probably killed by Slenderman. It's just that the ones with blogs and cameras are the only ones who remember it.

PICTURE THAT. IN YOUR DREAMS.

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:50 am

Lyn
Boot

Joined: 28 Nov 2010
Posts: 22

Compulsory Basket wrote:

Lyn wrote:

Good point! But think about how many Slenderblogs there are. If that's not even touching the greater number of them... O.O

(Also, hooray for me finally be un-lazy and making an account. Razz

)

[horrifiedtroper]

WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

[/horrifiedtroper]

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:08 pm

Volcanic
Decorated

Joined: 23 Oct 2010
Posts: 180
Location: vesuvius.

Compulsory Basket wrote:

And only Zampano knows this truth.

in your dreams..png
Description	ignore the marks, my copy of this is all marked up
Filesize	1.1MB
Viewed	85 Time(s)

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:12 pm

Das Omega
Unfettered

Joined: 07 Oct 2010
Posts: 345

Compulsory Basket wrote:

Lyn wrote:

Good point! But think about how many Slenderblogs there are. If that's not even touching the greater number of them... O.O

(Also, hooray for me finally be un-lazy and making an account. Razz

)

I'm going to hide under my bed now.

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:12 pm

Compulsory Basket
Unfettered

Joined: 06 Apr 2010
Posts: 362

Lyn wrote:

[horrifiedtroper]

WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

[/horrifiedtroper]

EXACTLY AS PLANNED! MUAHAHAHAHA!!

Volcanic wrote:

And only Zampano knows this truth.

I actually freaked out when I reached that line. On a train. Surrounded by people.

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:33 pm

TheNightmareComplex
Entrenched

Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Posts: 989
Location: South Carolina

Volcanic wrote:

A bunch of horseshit.

What in the name of Jesus Howard Christ is this and why does it make me lol

_________________
RABBIT#098

GONNA PUNCH ALL DA SLENDERMANS

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 12:34 pm

Dray
Pretty talky there aintcha, Talky?

Joined: 15 Jan 2010
Posts: 2578
Location: Cowtown, AB

Ha ha ha ha! That was pretty good.

(Oh, and possible revision: 'Any girls in slenderblogs are crazy or missing'. Though of course I haven't been keeping up, could be that there are some normals!)

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 1:09 pm

JKatkina
Entrenched

Joined: 16 Jan 2010
Posts: 825
Location: Calgary, AB

This is funny as hell. XD Kudos on the late night/early morning madness!

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 4:05 pm

ForgetWhatYouWrite
Veteran

Joined: 26 Nov 2010
Posts: 111
Location: Alameda, CA

NobodyPanic wrote:

32. You will always have a video camera on your person - at all times - no exceptions

I am so guilty of this one. So guilty.

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 8:07 pm

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