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[daboking]

rofl, I have not heard that one. Awesome!!
though not an actual joke, sometimes reality is funnier than any joke. Case and point:

actual essay analogies on student papers


The future scholars of America... That's it I'm moving to Canada...

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Roy Ashley, Washington

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who meant to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gotT:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake (Ken Krattenmaker,Landover Hills)

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
(Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
(Unknown)

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
(Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
(Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
Jennifer Hart, Arlington

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr.Pepper can.
(Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
(Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
(Helen Hopp, Yucaipa)

[CoffeeJedi]

wow... some of those were pretty dumbassed, but then again... i thought a few were really witty, the 2 from Jennifer Hart were gold. Hell Neal Stephenson (why does he keep coming up?!?!?!?) actually writes like that most of the time!

[daboking]

more puns... weeee

We painted our floor with luminous paint. So now the florescent what it used to be.

There was a frog who parked his car in a no-parking zone. He shouldn't have been suprised when it was toad away.

How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.

A friend of mine told some jokes about religion and so I got him put on the Sects Offenders List.

Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!

If it weren't for Venetian blinds it would be curtains for everybody.

A guy turns up at a costume party carrying a woman on his back. "What are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"I'm a snail." he said, "Can't you see, I'm carrying Michelle on my back."

[CoffeeJedi]

Q: If only you and dead people can understand hexadecimal numbers, then how many people total can?

A: 57006

edit: added answer

[daboking]

go ahead and tell me.

can I see dead people?

[daboking]

hehe, ok, here is an oldie but goodie:
I'm sorry to have to tell you that the Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday, of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.
Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects--including Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Cap'n Crunch. The gravesite was decorated with numerous flour arrangements.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes..

[CoffeeJedi]

ugh..... this is getting bad, we NEED those SP puzzles

have you noticed that we're the only people in this thread now?

anyway, did you get the hexadecimal joke?

[daboking]

i do not think so... and yes, we did manage to chase everyone else away. that what happens when a thread of silliness is begun, it can only go downhill.

[Macavity]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who know binary, and those who don't.

[CoffeeJedi]

the solution to the hex thing is this:
only you (1) and DEAD (57005 in dec) can read it, so

DEAD+1=DEAE converted to decimal is 57006

hey! Mac! glad you could join us! yeah... that's an old chestnut, i've always like that one

there's only 3 kinds of people in the world, those who understand fuzzy logic, those who don't, and those who aren't sure

[daboking]

[Scarr]

What do you call a survey given to a jockey?

Equestriannaire

[Ekim]

Why did the new hire at KFC deep fry his PC?

[vector]

I REALY hope that SP didnt get captured again (meaning no puzzles) I dont think that we can take much more of this.

If this goes on much longer i might have to......get my work done!

[Macavity]

What do you call a high-speed alien courier from Marathon?